{image credit :: greylikesbaby}

My birthday is in a day or so and I’m finding myself having an interesting reaction to anticipating its arrival. First, you must know that I love birthdays. Like l-o-v-e birthdays. I’m the lady who wants to celebrate the person whose special day it is for the entire month. To be honest, I’m a good person to know around your birthday – I’ll bake you treats, sprinkle confetti in your hair, and just generally sing your praises.

So as I approach this birthday a bit more… subdued. Somehow, it seems less like an occasion for fanfare and more of one for quiet reflection. As this particular birthday draws near, my mind keeps going back to myself as a young girl playing make-believe.

From the time I could talk I wanted to be older than I was. I forged ahead with everything I did and by six years old I already felt nineteen. So playing “grown-up” was a natural pastime for myself and my, at times, unwilling brothers. In my fantasy, I always played myself at the age that I am on the cusp of turning (give it up now, cuz I’m not telling you the digits!).

It always seemed like such a cool age, at least in my pre-adolescent mind. It seemed hip, but wise. Adult, but fun. Sophisticated, but stylish. Of course, I had my life carefully painted in my world of pretend as well. And now as I creep up to this next marker of time, I am left recognizing all the ways in which my fantasy has – and has not – come developed into reality.

It’s easy to get sucked into the well of disappointment at what has not transpired. I have not yet bought my Tuscan villa, for one. Or written my book, for two (I had very mature goals, you’ll see). In all of the regret, it’s easy to lose sight of all of the ways in which my visions have actually manifested in beautiful and profound ways.

There’s a really powerful quote from Joseph Campbell that I repeatedly share on Facebook and have stuck to my wall at work (on an incredibly decorative post-it note, no less). It says:

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

I am nothing if not a planner, and so this whole “letting go” idea doesn’t exactly come naturally. But I work at it each and every day. I hold on passionately to the dreams that have become reality, and I (try to) let sift through my fingers those that have not.

Being about to enter this new year of life (and, as my girlhood self predicted, being incredibly wise by now), I feel it my prerogative to remind you that if we stay so narrowly focused on the life we have pictured for ourselves, we risk a more beautiful life passing us by unnoticed.

So take a risk. Do something unexpected. Look forward and not back. Open yourself to the possibilities of the unknown. Stay present, but dream big. And never stop being hopeful.

And most of all, always blow out candles on your birthday.

What else should I (or you) remember on a birthday? (Check out the amazing 

{image credit :: mwmgraphics.com}

Acknowledging and cultivating my own creativity is still a struggle for me at times, but can honestly say I’m always inspired to stretch the limits of my creative mind when I read Margarita Tartakovsky’s brilliant ideas. She’s the a PsychCentral author of Weightless, a totally amazing resource for all things body image and eating disorders. (Each Monday she shares an awesome body image boosting idea that often focuses on getting creative.) Margarita’s also the author of MargaritaTartakovsky.com, where she talks candidly about life, fashion, and writing (among other things!). Read on as she explains why (and how) to incorporate more creativity into your life.

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I live in my head. I always have. But it was a lot worse years ago. My negative thoughts would wrap themselves around other negative thoughts and write their own negative stories. Stories about having the wrong body, not being pretty enough, needing to lose weight. Needing to fix the latest “flaw.” Needing desperately to change.

But connecting to my creativity helped me stop filling my world with superficial, stagnant things and start pursuing my passions and really living life. Because when you focus on exploring what you love to do, you feel more alive. You’re less burdened by constant body-bashing. You’re less impressed with the thin ideal. 

Your priorities shift. You shift from wanting to whittle down your curves to cultivating your craft. The conversation in your head changes.

And your voice starts to get louder. The voice that yearns to try new things and express itself by making art, taking pictures, writing, sewing or doing tons of other creative activities.  

Creativity helps us become whole. It brings richness to our lives. Suddenly, the world is brighter. And it’s a whole lot more fun. There’s the fun of experimenting. Of finding something you love. Of being immersed in the process.

Creativity also gives us back our power. The power to build things with our hands. The power to make images come alive. The power to solve a problem. The power to use our minds for positive and interesting exploration. The power to be curious and ask questions. The power to contribute our voices to a conversation.

Here are five ways I like to tap into my creativity, which might ignite your imagination, too.

1. Take e-courses. One of the things I love about writing — and reading and interviewing experts — is that I get to learn new tidbits every day.  I’ll always be a student at heart (minus the scary standardized tests and long term papers). That’s why I love taking classes online. This website provides a list of creativity courses. I’ve taken many e-classes. But I especially love the e-courses from Susannah Conway. I just finished her photography class, and it was eye-opening.

2. Connect to your inner child.  Kids are super creative. They live and breathe creativity, and we can learn a lot from how they unabashedly play and experiment and invent. Recently a reader on Weightless mentioned that one of her favorite self-care practices is to color. I love that. How can you play with creativity? What used to fire up your imagination when you were a little one? 

3. Read. When it feels like the ideas have been permanently plucked from my brain, I know that I’m not reading enough. So I go to my favorite books and blogs to feed my brain the nutrients I need for ideas to blossom. One of my favorite books on creativity is Patti Digh’s Creative Is A Verb. This was really the first book that helped me connect to my creativity. It was my a-ha moment that I am creative. Everyone is.  I also love Maya Stein’s poetry, which just gets me at every line. I get inspiration from a variety of blogs, from writing to food to fashion. These are some of my favorite creativity-boosting blogs: Susannah Conway; Dooce; Eat, Live, Run; Kendi Everyday. 

4. Journal. I don’t journal regularly. I wish I did but I don’t. If writing pages a day seems overwhelming to you, start small. That’s what I do. Last year, in NYC, I bought one of those five-year journals — I’m seriously addicted to journals and own way too many — and I’ve been writing down snippets of my thoughts and doings a few times a week. I also love my itty-bitty notebook by Marta from Marta Writes. It reminds me to savor and truly taste my surroundings. Every day (or really whenever you feel like it), you record:

• ·       I love the smell of
• ·       I love the sound of
• ·       I love the taste of
• ·       I love the sight of
• ·       I love the feel of 

Many people also like keeping a gratitude journal or using journal prompts.

5. Take yourself out. This tip comes from Julia Cameron. She suggests taking yourself out on a solo artist date every week. It could be anything from going to a fabric shop to going to a museum. She says the goal is to “enchant yourself” or “woo your own consciousness.” It’s less about working hard at your art and more about playing. I also love the idea of learning to enjoy your own company, which is something you rarely do when you struggle with body image or eating issues. I live in a small city in Florida where the options are limited. But I regularly see musicals — I’m also addicted to Broadway — or the ballet, browse bookstores and ride my bike (activity is key for creativity). And when I’m visiting my family in NYC, I make sure to check out at least one museum and take tons of pictures with my iPhone. I try new foods and visit new sights. I try to slow down, focus and breathe it all in.

How do you tap into your creativity? Has connecting to your creativity helped your body image?

{image credit :: adrienne leonard}

Dear Self-Doubt,

You and I are so over. I know that you’ve known we’ve been on the rocks for a while, but it’s finally time to pony up and get off the pot (do you like the mixed metaphor?).

I think I’ve known you’ve been holding me back for a while. In the beginning, I was so hooked into you. Co-dependent really. I’d try to venture out on my own, assert my independence, and you would just show up! I never invited you. You just took it upon yourself to bring your sorry butt along.

Well, I’m tired of uninvited guests. Sometimes, I just want to be by myself. Or I want to be able to hang out with my friends without you distracting me. You’ve always been too possessive.

For a long time, I thought I could keep you around and just see you on occasion. But I’m realizing that our relationship just doesn’t work like that. When we’re together, you seem to have all of me and I can’t even think straight. I get so caught into what you are telling me that my own voice is drowned out.

I just can’t go on like this. There’s too much that I want to do. I want to learn to sing (no, like really sing). You always told me my voice was like nails on a chalkboard. Well, that’s crap. I want to write a book. You always told me that there’s no way to get published in this day and age. I call your bluff. I want to walk confidently into any room. You told me that I should look at the floor and avoid eye contact. How could I have listened to you!

I know it sounds cliché, but I’m sure that you’ll find someone much better suited for you. Someone who doesn’t realize what an amazing woman she is. Someone who needs you more than I do and can be as attached to you as you are to me.

Me? I’ll be okay. I’m ready for this change. I might grieve a little – I mean, you’ve been a pretty big part of my life for a while – but I’ll be just fine in the end. In fact, I have no doubt.

Love,

Me

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This was super fun to write! Feel free to adapt, or write your own! 

What would you say to self-doubt? 

{image credit :: gabifresh}

I’ll be honest with you. I’m not an avid style blog reader. While my Google Reader is filled to the brim (I won’t tell you the number of sites out of fear of ridicule – yes, I do have an off-line life!), I only regularly check out one style blog, and that’s the oh-so-ah-mazing Already Pretty. (If you follow NTS on facebook, you probably already know that.)

But, I just came across this stellar site that I just had to share. Maybe I’m tardy to the party on this one, but have you seen GabiFresh yet? The blog of its namesake, Gabi Gregg, the site is a simple yet intriguing mixture of fashion, feminism, and fun.

As a self-described “fat girl.” Gabi originally created a break-out site called Young, Fat, and Fabulous that documented her daily wearings, with a dose of deeper meaning. She told MTV, “It has a message beyond fashion, about accepting yourself at any size, and feeling stylish.”

Her new site, GabiFresh, offers beautiful photography, fashion ideas, and a reminder that there is life beyond a size 6. A totally fabulous life in fact. Gabi is beautiful, smart, and worthy of a check-out. So go do that.

Have you heard of Gabi? What other style blogs do you like?