Do eating disorders excuse rude?
The firestorm brought on by the now infamous fat-hater Maura Kelly of Marie Claire has now, a week later, begun to simmer. If you missed it, Kelly opined on the recently launched sitcom, Mike & Molly, suggesting that the show explicitly promotes obesity, a condition she finds both abhorrent and completely within the control of the individual (I’m biting my typing tongue right now, just for full disclosure).
In one of the most horrifically discriminatory pieces I have ever read, Kelly writes,
So anyway, yes, I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other … because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I’d find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.
Unfortunately, this was only a small segment of a post that seemed to only get more offensive as it progressed. Kelly goes on to try to absolve her vitriolic diatribe by noting that she has “a few friends who could be called plump,” and offering some unsolicited and overly simplistic advice to those who are overweight: “…do everything you can to stand up more.”
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An apology
As you can tell, I had a strong reaction the piece, one that was apparently shared by over 3,000 commenters on the post and 28,000 more who emailed Marie Claire for publishing such a politically incorrect and offensive article. (As an aside, MC Editor-in-Chief, Joanna Coles stood by the article, calling Kelly, “provocative.”)
Then Kelly apologized.
In her apology, Kelly noted that she has a history of anorexia and several friends and commenters suggested to her that this might be the root of her “extreme reaction [to Mike & Molly].” Her editor, Cole, told Fashionista.com, “She was an anorexic herself and this is a subject she feels very strongly about.” (I don’t know about you, but I don’t really think Cole’s response even makes sense…)
However, this begs the question: Does having – or having a history of – an eating disorder explain being anti-fat?
My initial reaction to Kelly’s apology and her pointing to her history was something along the lines of… Anorexia does not excuse rude, mean, hurtful, and inaccurate (Newsflash: Not all of those who are overweight are able to achieve a normal weight by eating unprocessed sugar and lean meat).
However, I tried to keep my anger and sadness (for those whom I know the article hurt very deeply) in check in order to really examine this issue. I also decided to put aside my personal experiences working with individuals with eating disorders aside, as anecdotal evidence (while valuable) is not always the most useful in such situations. Thus, per usual, I turned to the research.
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Anti-fat bias
What we know is not all that heartening, unfortunately. In fact, one study suggested that people of all weights have an anti-fat bias, with 46% of participants being willing to give up one year of their lives to avoid being obese. The authors did find, however, that thinner individuals were more likely to associate negative attributes (e.g. bad, lazy) with fat people, to rate obese people as less motivated than thin people, and to prefer thin people to fat people. This does not completely answer our question of how individuals with eating disorders necessarily relate to people who are overweight (because, Newsflash 2: Not everyone who is thin has an eating disorder AND not everyone who has an eating disorder is thin.), but it certainly tells us that Kelly’s sentiment, while disturbing, is not unique.
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Distorted perceptions
Looking to research on how people with diagnosed eating disorders perceive others turns up very little. Much of the research focuses rather on the way that these individuals see themselves. In that realm, we know that people with EDs tend to have significantly distorted perceptions of their own body size and an intense fear of fat. In another study, patients with eating disorders were asked to assess body size of themselves, physical objects, and other people. The authors found that those with eating disorders showed the most distorted assessments when it came to themselves and were more accurate when it came to others and objects. Thus, when it comes to physical judgments, people with EDs tend to be their own harshest critics. However, this does not tell us anything about these individuals’ feelings toward others with weight issues.
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Impact of weight-bias
One thing that we can clearly determine is that hateful messages such as Kelly’s do have a significant impact on the health and well-being of the obese. Overweight individuals report experiencing this type of discrimination in many areas of their lives and do internalize these messages of weight-bias. Not only do these messages impact our self-esteem, but they impact our health status as well. (In fact, ironically, many of these messages come from healthcare providers). Those who internalize these anti-fat messages report more frequent binge eating and failed diets.
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So, do eating disorders excuse rude?
Per usual, the research doesn’t give us a clear-cut answer. What we can surmise, however, is that individuals with eating disorders are suffering from a brain disorder that does cause them to have distorted perceptions and impaired thinking and reasoning. We also know, fortunately, that these symptoms decrease with weight restoration.
Does that mean that those in the midst of an eating disorder should not be held accountable for making injurious statements against others – whether the others are the obese, gay and lesbian people, or people with disabilities? In my opinion, no.
Individuals with eating disorders, while requiring compassion and understanding, do not have a right to hurt other people. And publishing cruel and careless ramblings about hating fat people does hurt people. In fact, it hurts all of us by creating a community in which we are all not valued equally and treated with respect.
We all have a right to our own opinions, even opinions that are based in distorted thinking, but when those opinions create pain and heartache, please don’t publish them via a national magazine.
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What do you think?
Tatianna
564 days ago
Wow. I am a little blown away by the sheer surprise of this post, but I will try to come up with a decent comment.
First of all, I have a history with anorexia, and I have never openly judged or criticized anyone with a weight issue. My own mother struggled with obesity when I was younger (she ended up losing a lot of it and is much healthier now) and she is still bigger than the average woman. I look up to her, and still think that she is one of the most beautiful people i know. While I don’t deny that anorexia has definitely instilled a ‘fear of fat’ or ‘fear of obesity’ in me, I am not ‘disgusted’ by people who are overweight. In fact, when I was at my worst I actually admired people who had a little extra weight and managed to eat normally. I am horrible at explaining this specific part of my disorder, but eating fattening foods or being lazy was totally acceptable in my eyes for anyone else – even the overweight – but it wasn’t acceptable for me.
Having an issue with food and weight does NOT excuse being rude.
I hope that was even semi-literate :P Thanks for posting this!
Tatianna recently posted..Happy Halloween!
Justin
564 days ago
While I think this article is completely wrong, I have to truly blame the editor who allowed, and ultimately published, this article. I truly believe that everyone has certain biases (no matter how much they may try to hide them) and everyone should work to break down that hatred and come to a more complete, well-rounded, view of the world. People are always going to hate other people, usually for no known reason, and they are always going to write and put out garbage that should never be read by anyone. However, as a national magazine Marie Clair should not be publishing these hate messages on any forum that is related to their company. Whatever excuses the author has for her beliefs are one thing (I think the excuses are pretty hollow, but at least she did apologize) but the editor who allowed it to be published has no excuse what so ever, she should be fired for allowing such hateful messages to be published for the world to read.
In response to your question, we all have some level of ignorance and are all occasionally rude, but we should not be seeking excuses for these biases and should instead be looking for ways to own our flaws and seek ways to overcome them.
Robyn
564 days ago
I personally try my best to treat other people how I want to be treated. All humans, no matter what they look like, have good qualities and people who love them. It is not up to us to judge others, especially from their appearance.
I think people who write or publish articles like the one mentioned have low self-esteem, are looking for attention or are indirectly calling out for a life line of help. I hope they get the help they need and find the inner peace they are longing for.
Dana Udall-Weiner
564 days ago
Great post, Ashley. I think it’s so important that you pointed out that those who internalize anti-fat messages binge more and fail in their attempts to diet. I see this all the time in my clients–those who are most fearful of becoming fat or feel ashamed of their current weight have such difficulty taking good care of themselves. Thanks for doing the research and for shedding light on the science. I was horrified by the MC article, as well, and have been excited to see that there is a vocal community of people who had the same reaction.
Lauren
564 days ago
Awesome response. Very well put. I’ve always agreed on this issue that having an ED does not excuse rude behavior. I, however, have been a rude person while suffering with my ED. It wasn’t toward overweight people, but I was just always on the defense. I do not think having an ED excused me, though. Thank you for writing this! :)
charlotte
564 days ago
Lovelovelove this. This should be required reading for anyone who thinks curing obesity is as simple as calories in/calories out. As you know, I was also appalled by that article and I love your rational response to it!
charlotte recently posted..What Running And Failing At A Race Taught Me
The Binge Diary
564 days ago
Great post. I want to leave jars of fat on that writers doorstep. What a bitch! That’s the only way to put it. I have experience and witnessed some fat discrimination and it makes me sick. This needs to be addressed in the public arena and researches more!
The Binge Diary recently posted..Sad Day
Jayna @ Healthy Living Bites
563 days ago
Thank you for this post Ashley. I appreciate it so much. If I am being completely honest with myself I must say that I do find myself longing for a body that doesn’t jiggle as much. I’ve said it before, but I have plenty of confidence and happiness with myself because I KNOW that what my body looks like doesn’t define me and isn’t really all that important. I love the point that internalizing these anti-fat images and messages leads to more binging and failed dieting- that is so true.
That being said, while I found that the article was just trashy it didn’t anger me all that much. Why? Because it WAS so trashy. As I read it I had absolutely no problem dismissing it as the ramblings of an insecure person who makes herself feel better by putting others down. I may not like the way my body jiggles but that does NOT mean that I am not sexy. My sexiness comes in the way I walk and the confidence with which I carry myself. I know that despite my jiggles I am beautiful from the inside out, and that beauty is there no matter what my size. Frankly I don’t want to see ANYONE groping each other in public, it is just not classy. However seeing a couple show affection, such as hugging, kissing, and hand holding in public doesn’t gross me out. It makes me go a little mushy inside to see a couple caring for each other. If you want to make out or touch each other in ways that your kids shouldn’t see though- get a room, no matter what your size!
Jayna @ Healthy Living Bites recently posted..Whirlwind Days
Tina @ Faith Fitness Fun
563 days ago
I think it is so amazing that you approached this in this fashion. I definitely don’t think that those with eating disordered pasts have the right to be rude and excused from such atrocious behavior. I’m sure it can produce biases, just as we all have them, but to be able to openly and publicly share such critical and hurtful messages is appalling and not something that should be forgiven for a disorder of her own. I mainly am upset with the editors that allowed such content. It really seems Marie Claire is just trying to get attention any way possible.
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Katie @ Health for the Whole Self
563 days ago
I agree with your response. While people struggling with eating disorders or any other kind of mental illness should be treated with compassion, so should everyone else as well. We can recognize that a mental illness can cause distorted thoughts without condoning the harm those opinions cause to others. I also found myself asking, “where were the editors???” I don’t know what kind of editor – except for the editor of a tabloid maybe – would think it’s a good idea to publish that article in a mainstream magazine.
Angela Jones
563 days ago
Great article and great website! Thank you! I am the co-creator of the blog http://www.plusizemodelsunite.com. It is an open forum for women of every size, shape, and age to help inspire others and to promote healthy body image and self love. We started the blog to share my personal story of my struggle with body image and an eating disorder, how I overcame it and now I am on a mission to help create a world of confident girls and women. I pursued ‘plus’ modeling because growing up I had no one to identify with. I want to change the way the media defines beauty. I believe girls and women need to see images of healthy and strong women in the media whether they are a healthy size 2 or a healthy size 12.
There is no excuse for being rude or putting others down. I honestly feel now and days everyone needs an excuse for everything! No one can own up to their actions, what she said in her article is rude and hurtful.
sui
563 days ago
Eating disorders excuse rudeness no more than being a person of color excuses [reverse] racism.
sui recently posted..the easiest steps you can take towards a plastic-free life
Kristine
563 days ago
As someone who has struggled with an eating disorder, I want to add my two cents. I did NOT read the article (I guess it’s been taken off the site?), so I don’t know exactly what was said.
I want to start off by saying that it is inexcusable to say disparaging things about people who are overweight. Furthermore, Maura Kelly should have known better to voice those kinds of opinions in a public forum where they could be hurtful to so many people. Like I said, I have no intention of excusing what she said. I only want to say that I do believe that her opinions could very well stem from her eating disorder. When you have an eating disorder (at least in my experience), you fear losing control with food and gaining weight. You may look down on overweight people because you want to convince yourself that you are fundamentally different than them. It makes you feel safe. However, that’s your issue and you need to take ownership of it and work on it. It’s not appropriate to project your own self-loathing on to other people.
KCLAnderson (Karen)
563 days ago
I was raised by a mother who disliked “fat people” and that feeling was shared by others in my extended family. Even when I was at my heaviest, I found myself with the same attitudes. I was never outwardly cruel or rude “in public” but my disgust was real. I now see that my disgust, not to mention my mother’s, had more to do with how we felt about ourselves. And so I daresay that Ms. Kelly is struggling with the same kinds of feelings. My mother never had a weight problem like I did, but she definitely had a hard time with self love and acceptance. Now that I am working on healing my own self-disgust and to find compassion for myself, I find I am much more loving and accepting of others.
KCLAnderson (Karen) recently posted..The Science Behind The Woo-Woo
Christie {Honoring Health}
563 days ago
For some reason, I thought I commented on this already :(
I thought that article was absolutely atrocious. I can’t believe the editors let it be published. I don’t think that kind of behavior is excusable no matter what. I do believe that it was a reflection of where she is personally and that she needs to take a really long hard look at herself when passing such judgments about others.
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Sarah
562 days ago
I think that eating disorders can cause disorder thoughts in regards to obesity and overweight individuals. However, an eating disorder is not an excuse to be rude. Just because you think something doesn’t mean you have to express it. I do put blame on the editors who knew Kelly’s personal struggles yet specifically asked her if the characters on the show bothered her and asked her to write about it (she mentioned that in the beginnning of the article). Not only did the article horrify me but many of the comments upset me as well. People were writing that they hoped her anorexia would kill her, etc. I understand being very hurt and upset by such an insentive article but these comments are completely unnecessary. Lowering oneself to that level makes you just as “bad” as the original offender. What happened to the compassion in our society? I’m not excusing Kelly’s article/behavoir but responding in such a negative way will only reinforce her mentality that overweight individuals are just jealous of her. I just wish that as a society we could take a moment to realize that everybody is trying to find his/her own happiness and physical appearance is not a determination of one’s character.
Nancy
522 days ago
A very good post with great responses. My opinion is that if we are to assume that her comments came from a place of illness, then she is still experiencing an eating disorder and is not free of symptoms. If she is still ill, her behavior is a reflection of that illness. That said, nobody who is in the midst of an eating disorder ought to be writing articles for Marie Claire, particularly articles pertaining to anybody’s weight. It is not just irresponsible, but forgive me, slightly idiotic, for this magazine to have a woman with an uncontrolled eating disorder writing articles that are read by teenage, young adult and adult women all over the US. By all means, give this poor woman time off to get more help. Whether or not an eating disorder excuses rudeness, given her influence on women, it doesn’t excuse non-action at this time.
Alice
434 days ago
I just found your site while feeling distressed about how to present on Health At Every Size tomorrow to the local Commission on the Status of Women. My goal is to improve how healthcare providers and public health and school officials treat and speak about people of greater size in my community.
Reading several of your articles has been a great source of comfort – thank you for your intelligent and compassionate thinking and writing, that I really needed to read at this moment!
I did not read the Marie Claire article. I completely agree that having an ED does not excuse rudeness–if the person even has any insight that it’s her ED talking in distorted and socially unacceptable ways.
What comes to mind after reading your wonderful exploration regarding rudeness and EDs is that it really does sound as if the editor has an ED herself, that she would assign such a topic to a writer who clearly has an unresolved ED. It makes me think about…and wonder about…how prevalent and severe EDs are in the fashion and fashion media industries. Even though an editor should not be soliciting this sort of vitriol, and should be stopping it if it comes across her desk, if she has an ED herself, it leaves the question of who is to stop the editor, especially in such a psychologically unhealthy industry as fashion, where she may not have an editor-in-chief or publisher, for example, who doesn’t have an ED herself.
If the editors are psychologically unhealthy or sort of brainwashed (and I think most fashion magazines show this, just from looking at the covers), it comes down to the advertisers and we, the potential customers, who must stop this nonsense: by not buying their woman-hating magazines and outfits. And, of course, speaking out, as you and fortunately many others did, to provide a much-needed wake-up call to the magazine editors and fashion industry that they are seriously out of step regarding body image and respect and compassion for people of all sizes compared to the general public.
Good job. Thanks again.