The Pain of Joy
I find myself frequently trying to explain to friends why it is that I don’t enjoy roller coasters. I remind them of how counterintuitive it is to experience pleasure from a three-minute ride of terror in which your body is pushed by a level of force greater than that of a shuttle launch. Despite my seemingly rational explanation, I am always given this same incredulous look, something that says, “Seriously, Ashley. Lighten up.”
Fortunately for me, my husband has long ago learned that it is hardly worth encouraging me to stand in the two-hour line for Fear Factor. He knows that, despite the common assurance that, “You’ll love it if you just get over your fear!”, I will not love it. In fact, I will hate every last second of the experience and likely blame him for any role he has had in encouraging me to do it. So he wisely backs off.
While I have accepted the limitations of my excitement levels, other loved ones have not. They goad me to attend loud concerts and go zip-lining in Costa Rica, failing to recognize that these things, while they may produce joy for others, are painful to me. Give me hot tea, a quiet walk, and a good book any day.
Speaking of good books, while recently reading Aimee Liu’s beautiful and brilliant work, Gaining: The Truth About Life After Eating Disorders, I was intrigued to learn about research on this idea of over-stimulation. Liu describes how Walter Kaye, MD an eating disorder researcher at UC San Diego, had observed a similar phenomenon in individuals with disordered eating. He noticed that the patients with anorexia he worked with tended to react strongly and negatively to various kinds of stimulation – taste, sound, and touch. It seemed to him that, contrary to the previous belief that these individuals had an inability to experience pleasure, they in fact experience too much pleasure.
Kaye, along with Guido Frank, MD, decided to conduct a study on the dopamine response in patients with anorexia. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter chemical in the brain that influences reward and punishment, mood, sleep, and memory. Most notably, dopamine has a major impact on our experience of pleasure, as it is released when we engage in rewarding activities like eating and having sex.
The experiment by Kaye and Frank used brain scans to observe dopamine activity in recovered patients with eating disorders. What they found was that, even in patients who no longer had anorexia, the dopamine activity was greater than normal. Conversely, they found that people who were obese showed lower than normal levels.
So does this mean that people with anorexia are always happy and those who are obese always down? We know anecdotally that this is not the case. In fact, the high dopamine response in recovered patients actually results in so much stimulation that what feels good to most people feels bad to these individuals.
As someone who works with patients with disordered eating, and as someone who prefers a bath to bungee jumping, this does not come as a surprise to me. On a more general level, I have observed how what our culture usually defines as joyful – weddings, job promotions, and decadent chocolate cake – can invoke pain in certain individuals. Some of us do not derive the thrill from what our society tells us we should. And that’s okay.
While it is vital in the course of eating disorder treatment and in regular life to take risks and push the bounds of our comfort zones, it is equally important to recognize and honor our truest selves – dopamine and all.
Are you a thrill seeker? Or do you prefer less stimulation? Do you think this relates to your eating habits?
Christie {Honoring Health}
554 days ago
I’ll need to think more on this one, Ashely.
I remember being a tiny girl, at an amusement park with my family and I rode a roller coaster with my dad. I was terrified and not in that I am terrified and it is awesome kind of way. I never ever wanted to ride a roller coaster again.
And then, about 10 years ago, I went to Kings Dominion with a couple of thrill seeking friends and despite my initial fear, I rode every ride in the part and got the bejeezus scared out of me BUT, it was awesome. I remember leaving there so stress free. I felt incredibly relaxed and at ease.
Christie {Honoring Health} recently posted..Introducing the Intuitive Eating Jump-Start Program
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
554 days ago
That’s interesting that you had such a different experience. I’m glad you could enjoy the thrill!
Megan @ ascension blog
554 days ago
Hm. That’s really interesting. I, too, feel much more comfortable and experience greater enjoyment from a quiet nature walk, a good cup of tea or coffee, and reading a book, than I ever do from activities that others seem to find so enjoyable. I’m not so much into “exciting” and “thrilling” experiences. I attributed this to the fact that I’m a highly sensitive introvert, which I do think plays a role in my anorexia. However, I’ve always assumed that the role had more to do with related low self-esteem, never before considering that there may be a connection between my ED and over-stimulation. Very interesting, indeed.
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Michele @ Healthy Cultivations
554 days ago
Oh, I most definitely believe over-stimulation contributes to food issues. I also think anorexia and obesity are two sides of the same coin (in fact, I read a book about that once called The Owl Was a Baker’s Daughter), but that’s another story. I think any extreme can exacerbate active or old food issues. So it’s important to not have too much going on… not too much noise, not too much tiredness, not too much stress.
It seems to me that thrills and excitement, although sometimes fun, are more distractions than anything else.
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
554 days ago
I might have to check out that book!
maria
554 days ago
Ashley, remember in King’s Island in Cincinnati there is a drop tower, might be called Drop Zone or something equally horrible. I was in tears after my then boyfriend forced me to ride it! I am still mad at him about that even though it was 8 years ago. But surprisingly, I loved skydiving. Only been once, but maybe because it was my decision to go, and I went by myself, there was not a single grain of forcefulness and therefore I really liked it!
KCLAnderson (Karen)
554 days ago
Wow…fascinating! Here’s the thing: I used to be an adrenaline junky. I loved roller coasters, big crowds, parties, and so on. Yeah…things that were stimulating and…distracting? Now? Not so much. In fact, a couple of years ago my husband and I went to an amusement park and went on one of those super-duper modern roller coasters. Not only did it scare me…it sort of shut me down. And I thought it was just a matter of getting older. But if I correlate it with my relationship with food, I see it all in a much different light.
KCLAnderson (Karen) recently posted..The Word For November- Vulnerability
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
554 days ago
Yes, it would be interesting to really explore that change. For me, I’ve always been a no-thrills girl. But a change is intriguing.
Katie @ Health for the Whole Self
554 days ago
You already know that I’m NOT a thrill-seeker. ;)
But you’ve given me a lot to think about. I’ve never before considered how it could be related to my eating habits.
Katie @ Health for the Whole Self recently posted..Perfectionism and Binge Eating- Three Connections
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
554 days ago
YOU aren’t a thrill seeker? No…. ;-)
Margarita @ Weightless
554 days ago
Ashley, this is really interesting! I’m actually exactly the same way. I seriously thought that I was the only young person on the planet who doesn’t like roller-coasters. My stomach goes up and down if the car accelerates too quickly. :)
I have no clue about the research, but I think it might go back to a heightened startled response as well. I feel like I get more startled and bothered than most people, and I feel the physical sensations, too. And it takes more time for me to calm down after a startling experience.
I’m also hyper-sensitive to loud noises and crowds. I’ve read about highly sensitive people on Therese Borchard’s blog, Beyond Blue. Might be related to food issues, too.
Great post!
Margarita @ Weightless recently posted..Demystifying Anorexia & Family-Based Treatment- Part 2 with Harriet Brown
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
554 days ago
I think it is related to the startle response, so it would make sense for those who experience that to experience this as well.
charlotte
554 days ago
You just described me PERFECTLY. Sometimes it scares me how much I fit into the mold of “typical eating disordered patient” but it makes sense. I read Aimee Liu’s book a few months ago and loved it and yet this part didn’t stick out to me then. It should have though, so thank you for highlighting it! I always describe the way I feel to people as walking around with my skin on inside-out. I feel everything SO MUCH. And extreme joy does feel very painful to me. My husband always chides me for not be able to relax and just enjoy things like when our kids are born or big family reunions etc. and I always answer that I don’t know why I am this way, I just can’t help it. But now I have a better answer! Thank you!!
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Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
554 days ago
I always love when I have science to explain something I’ve always known about myself. It’s so liberating in a way!
Starfire @ A weight off my mind
554 days ago
Hmmmm… I think for me, the answer is a definite “it depends”. There are many different Starfires (I learned to call them subpersonalities when I was doing a lot of inner work) living inside my head, and some of them like the concept (if not always the practical execution) of wild thrills or pushing myself to my limits, while others really just want to take long, quiet walks in nature or curl up on a comfy sofa with a good book and a cup of tea.
All of them, however, HATE being in crowds with a passion. I can deal better with crowds now than I could when I was in my 20s, when sometimes, especially if I was low on sleep or food, being in a crowd would overload my senses to the point that I stopped being able to filter and prioritise different sensory impressions, and all the sights, sounds, smells and feels would just swirl together into a whirlwind of sensation that left me on the verge of a meltdown till someone physically guided me out of it. Luckily, most of my friends and family understood this and didn’t look at me too weirdly if/when it happened around them.
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Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
554 days ago
That’s great that you have/had supportive family and friends. That makes a big difference in how this can play out.
Janet
554 days ago
Very interesting! I definitely prefer less stimulation. Sometimes, especially in the mornings (traveling in the car, for instance), I can’t even stand to be touched by my partner. I repel. This doesn’t happen often, but enough that it freaks me out a little.
I’m overly sensitive to taste, making it difficult for people to please me at dinner parties. I can’t stand loud noise or crowded places. I much prefer dead silence and to be alone.
Sure I like to go on the odd ride at the fair, but don’t seek thrills on a regular basis. And, I don’t ever like to stay too long.
I find Charlotte’s comment on being ” … able to relax and just enjoy things …” intriguing. I often wish that I could experience the pure joy and excitement over things that other people do. I just can’t.
I’ve never thought that any of my little quirks could be related to my eating disorders, but I do now!
Thanks for the compelling post, Ashley.
Janet recently posted..The Binge that Snapped Me Back to Reality
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
554 days ago
That’s interesting that you bring up being sensitive to taste because I hadn’t thought about that. For me, I tend to like really extreme flavors, which doesn’t fit with everything else. Something interesting to think about.
Jean Sampson
554 days ago
This is me, Ashley! I carry earplugs everywhere I go and get very panicy if I descover I don’t have them with me. I hate changing states…..if I am out doing public things, i use food to do my “step-down” into a quieter state. I would rather have the thrill of going inside to write an “exciting ” poem with wild bungee jumps of my imagination than to do something that is unsettling or scary in the flesh. I always startle if I hear even a slight noise and cry if I look at pictures of baby animals or children and sometimes old people—–I have had to learn to grow somewhat of a crust (but no one even knows about that because I am still so sensitive). Heck, I can’t even ride over the roads in West Virginia—-seriously, it feels like a roller coaster ride to me and I don’t like it at all.
Margarita, are you my twin sister?
Dani
551 days ago
I definitely am a thrill seeker, but at the same time I also love just relaxing on a Saturday night. The panic I feel before I do something thrilling makes me frustrated and I feel the need to overcome it. I feel like I’ve been stifled in my disorder for so long (even though I’ve been in recovery for almost 10 years) and that the boundaries I create for myself because of some need for order and control are so arbitrary that doing something daring like sky diving or riding a roller coaster is my way of saying, “hey world, I love being alive and I’m not going to let anything get me down”. If something scares me I know that I’ve been through the hardest and scariest of all, so compared to my disorder nothing can stop me. It’s more like I’m trying to live life to the fullest now and not let anything get in my way. Life is way to short!
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Dorry
548 days ago
This is so very interesting to me. While I seek thrills in many aspects of my life, I oftentimes get overstimulated by loud music/TV/movies/big crowds and my husband loves things LOUD and doesn’t mind a crowd. Maybe it’s just my personal preference – maybe it’s my need to try to control my surroundings. Thank you for sharing this study with us – I plan to give it a lot more thought.
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