Authenticity Equals Power {Self-Discovery, Word by Word}
Photo Credit :: ❤ Lilli ❤ too busy
When we think about the fear of being truly vulnerable and showing the world who we really are, we often talk about the fear of not being enough, doing enough, or having enough – the fear of not living up to what we imagine to be the expectations of those around us.
But today I’m talking about a different kind of fear, one that I believe may be an even heavier chain to bear as it holds us back from moving into a more authentic life. It is the fear of being too much, too great, and too powerful.
I can recall sitting my fifth grade classroom as my social studies teacher passed back a test we had taken on aviation. Before making our much-anticipated class trip to the Air Force Museum, we had been required to learn all the different parts of an aircraft, as well as the important names associated with the birth of flight. This stuff is big in Ohio – trust me. (Mrs. Sanders would be horrified to learn that everything I learned in that lesson has now been replaced in the limited recesses of my brain by TSA regulations.)
As Mrs. Sanders made the announcement that she was about to pass back our tests, I flung my ten-year-old body up from my plastic chair and yelped, “I have to go to the bathroom!”
“Now?” Mrs. Sanders asked, incredulousness written on her face.
“Yes!” I squeaked, and then ran down the hall to hide in the safety of the miniature stalls.
While I have always suffered from an admittedly small bladder, my sudden need to visit the little girls’ room that day was motivated by something else. I knew that I would be singled out by Mrs. Sanders for having scored the highest grade on the test, and I was petrified.
This wouldn’t have been the first time that this had happened, of course. Whether due to being naturally intelligent, dedicated and hard-working, or slightly neurotic, I was always being praised for my academic accomplishments. Teachers adored me and parents told me they wished their child could be more like me. But this did little more than make me want to crawl further into a hole and disappear.
I was terrified of letting my star shine too brightly. I feared that my personal power might somehow diminish that of others, that it might make them feel smaller. And the last thing that I wanted to do was to make others feel less than.
While intentionally misspelling words or putting decimals in the wrong places to avoid outperforming my peers ended by my teenage years, it took me much longer to learn about the beauty of being my authentic self – my gifts and all.
This is something I hear frequently from people I work with, especially from women and from those with disordered eating. What I hear is the same intense fear that plagued me in my youth – the fear of their own incredible light shining through.
The reasons for this are as varied and the individuals who are imprisoned by them. Some have struggled with mothers who were threatened by their beauty or their charm. Others learned early that being seen, even in the context of accomplishments, meant being tormented or rejected. Still others simply learned from cultural mores, though incorrectly, that to be a woman meant to shine from the shadows, supporting others to step into the spotlight.
These may have been the stories we have been told, but they don’t have to continue to be our truth. I have learned that to utilize my gifts not only does not diminish those of others, but rather serves as a flame, igniting theirs to burn more magnificently.
Making our personal power known enhances our sense of agency, motivating us to change the world in incredible ways. It allows others to know that we cannot muzzled or tamed and gives us strength to protect our boundaries and fulfill our passions.
To me, it is the key to living authentically.
What holds you back from living authentically? Do you ever fear your own power?
This post is part of the Self-Discovery, Word by Word series. The series is being hosted this month by Katie at Health for the Whole Self, an awesome healthy living blog. Katie chose the word “authenticity” for December. Check out the details in order to take part!
Michele @ Healthy Cultivations
525 days ago
I think it’s definitely possible to fear your own power and capabilities… not because we don’t want to fulfill our potentials, but rather because we’re afraid that realizing our potential will set up expectations (in ourselves and others) that we fear we won’t be able to meet routinely.
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
525 days ago
Yes, definitely! I notice that occurring in myself at times, wondering if I should put myself out there because then others might expect more from me that I fear I can’t give them later. Great point.
Katie @ Health for the Whole Self
525 days ago
Ashley, this is so insightful. I have absolutely felt the same thing, particularly in regards to my school work. I could have been proud of my high grades, but instead I tried to hide them. I was terrified that if others knew how well I did, they wouldn’t like me. And in the end, that’s always what it came back to for me: a desire to be liked and accepted by others. Working instead of SELF-acceptance has led me to a place of peace when it comes to the opinions of others (most of the time anyway), which has enabled me to embrace my gifts rather than hide them. Really wonderful post!
Katie @ Health for the Whole Self recently posted..Cheddar Garlic Bread
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
525 days ago
Thanks, Katie! I think too that especially when it comes to things like intelligence and academics, women particularly struggle because of the ways in which we have traditionally been socialized around these issues.
KCLAnderson (Karen)
525 days ago
I love your take on authenticity! It’s so true that when we shrink and don’t allow ourselves to shine we are not being authentic!
While I was never a shining star academically, somewhere a long the way I decided that shrinking and not shining was what I needed to do to get along. And maybe that’s why I was “just average” as a student. It’s taken me a long time but I am now fully ready to shine. And even as I say that, I have fears…but, to use one of my favorite quotes ever:
“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to bloom.” ~ Anais Nin
KCLAnderson (Karen) recently posted..The Myth Of Imperfection
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
525 days ago
I adore that quote. It used to be on a slip of paper tucked inside my planner that I always carried with me.
Christie @ Honoring Health
525 days ago
There is a quote to that effect and I can’t think of it now. But something about fearing what we can accomplish rather than what we can’t.
And I have really found that to be true in my life. It also makes me wonder about that need to lose weight that so many women desire and that need to shrink our bodies so that we will be smaller.
Deep thoughts, here on a Thursday morning.
Christie @ Honoring Health recently posted..A Very Special Giveaway
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
525 days ago
We’re so deep.. =)
Ann
525 days ago
I believe Christie is thinking of the Marianne Williamson quote? Although it’s a little long for the purpose, I’ve kept that as my personal mantra for some time now.
I find this especially plays out in women’s inability to take a compliment. For me, it’s a fear of having the rug pulled out from under me – you think you’re so great, well you’re not! But I’m trying to look at it in a different way. I’m great…at being me…and no one else will ever be better.
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
525 days ago
We’ll let Christie answer, but if so, it was my Today’s Nourishment this past Sunday (well, an excerpt from it) which what inspired this post! :: http://www.nourishing-the-soul.com/2010/12/our-deepest-fear/
Jayna @ Healthy Living Bites
525 days ago
This post has really made me appreciate my life. I can’t honestly say that I’ve ever felt bad to let my star shine bright. Maybe I’m not looking deep enough, but with my tendency to over analyze everything I kind of doubt it.
I remember in college one of my professors telling me I should get a B in a class to make my transcript more believable (I had a 4.0 in college). . . I looked him right in the eye and said “Really? Should I start with your class”. He smiled sheepishly and said “well no”. I was always the curve wrecker, and always proud to be. I also had no problem helping my fellow classmate if they didn’t understand something, and was happy for a little healthy competition academically.
I got teased for being the fat kid, but I guess in school I was lucky to never be teased for being the smart kid. In elementary school I was always respected for it, then in high school EVERYONE was so academically advanced that I was just part of the crowd.
Jayna @ Healthy Living Bites recently posted..The Most Annoying Sound in the World
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
523 days ago
You rock, Jayna! I’m so glad that you could proudly rock out your smarts ;-)
Chef Lisa
523 days ago
What a beautiful post. I love nerds. I want to print this out and give it to every smart little girl I know. Let your light shine, indeed!! Fire is contagious :)
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
523 days ago
Thanks so much Lisa! Love your comment.
Margarita @ Weightless
521 days ago
Ashley, such a great response to this month’s word!! Definitely insightful, and I appreciate you sharing your experiences. It’s interesting because I also felt the same way. In most of my classes, I did really well, and sometimes that was embarrassing to me. People would say, “oh, yea, let me guess, you got a perfect score,” or something along these lines. On a related note, I would’ve given my smarts away any day for the promise of popularity or prettiness. My intelligence is something I really didn’t “own” and took for granted. I think that really goes back to the idea of not being authentic and not owning who you truly are.
Margarita @ Weightless recently posted..Upgrade in Progress
The Writing Goddess
517 days ago
While my experiences were a bit different – in the 70′s, my academic success was DIScouraged, rather than praised by teachers, (since girls aren’t *supposed* to be beating the boys in science, math, etc.) the effect was the same. Don’t shine too brightly, or people won’t like you. Took me a while, but I learned to damp it down and be more “feminine” (what a crock THAT idea was!)
It’s been an interesting journey to discover that it’s okay to be who I am, and that if people are threatened by my intelligence or competence or *whatever*, that is THEIR problem, not mine. Glad to have found this/you.
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul
517 days ago
Thanks so much for your comment. I’m glad that you have been able to reclaim your power!
Jenny
28 days ago
Wow! I just found your blog and can COMPLETELY relate to this!! I have grown a lot since elementary school (thank GOD) but am still learning and growing! Looking forward to reading more :o)