The Last to Go

Whether it’s from an eating disorder, years of disordered eating, or a lifetime of chronic and chaotic dieting, recovery is long and arduous battle. As the adage goes, the first step is simply – though it is not always simple – acknowledging that you want your life to be different in some important way. The next few steps on the winding journey involve building awareness of the factors that have led you down this path and working to adjust them by shifting the way you experience your thoughts and feelings and altering your behaviors.

As we progress further on our journey, many of us begin to get a bit comfortable. We’ve made some major changes in our lives and can and should feel immensely proud of those changes. We may be eating regular meals for the first time in our lives, have eliminated binging, or have developed a healthier relationship with our bodies. These gifts deserve all of our adulation. But, the work doesn’t stop there.

In talking to individuals who have are in recovery from disordered eating or have finally gotten off the diet rollercoaster, what you’ll often find is traces of a life where food was the enemy. Flashing glimpses of body-shame, obsession, and anxiety emerge if you dig just a bit below the surface.

A seasoned expert recently said that true recovery takes five to seven years. This may seem like a long time to those who have worked hard to live a more joyful and free life (and truly each individual is different), but shifting a mindset that has often been built on a lifetime of unhealthy thought patterns takes time. And even more importantly, it takes awareness.

Living a life free of disordered eating means asking yourself why you are making the choices you are. It means peeling back the layers of things that are habit and comfortable and exploring what those things bring up for you.

Here I’m going to share a list with you of common traits, practices, and thought patterns that are often the “last to go.” (This list was compiled with the help of Margarita, Christie, Joy, Karen, and Mara.) Often these things hold on until the very end of a recovery, sometimes only arising to the surface of awareness when a trusted friend points them out or you experience an “aha!” moment.

Common “Last To Go” Signs

1. Eating the same meals daily, or regularly, without variation.

2. Using a very small or very large amount of condiments (e.g. salad dressing, ketchup, hot sauce, butter).

3. Exercising more on days when you have had or expect to have a larger meal, dessert, etc.

4. Avoiding certain social functions that involve food.

5. Packing your own food when attending events (with the exception of having a food allergy, etc.).

6. Maintaining a vegetarian, vegan, or other diet that restricts certain types of food.

7. Becoming upset if you are unable to work out on occasion.

8. Wanting to be the last to finish your meal.

9. Eating very quickly or very slowly.

10. Frequently choosing to eat alone.

11. Eating while engaged in television, work, or other distractions.

12. Only eating at certain times or after a certain number of hours.

13. Using food as a reward, such as waiting to eat until you finish a task despite being hungry.

14. Engaging in other restrictive behaviors, such as not allowing yourself to buy something that you need and want (and can afford).

15. Lying to other people in any capacity about your eating or exercise.

16. Pushing yourself during exercise in a mean and threatening way – or hiring someone to do it for you.

17. Putting off eating in order to “get things done.”

18. Scheduling events around food and using it as justification for eating more.

19. Only eating at certain restaurants.

20. Weighing yourself regularly.

21. Not wearing certain clothing items that you like out of fear.

22. Buying low-fat, low-calorie, low-carb or only “health” products.

23. Using artificial sweetener.

24. Holding on to your “skinny jeans.”

25. Having rules or patterns around eating meals.

26. Not keeping certain foods in your home that others may enjoy.

27. Destroying food in any way.

28. Chewing gum or eating mints frequently to stave off hunger.

29. Engaging in fat-talk.

30. Loading up your schedule to avoid free time.

31. Getting in arguments over food with friends or family.

32. Turning down birthday cake (when you want it!).

33. Commenting on other people’s eating habits.

34. Frequently seeking approval from others.

35. Reading blogs that don’t promote a healthy balance.

It is important to note that not all of these behaviors will indicate a problem for every individual. There are potentially healthy reasons for many of them. But for some individuals, they will signal that there is more work to be done. Behaviors themselves often tell us very little. Instead, it’s the thoughts and feelings driving those behaviors that need to be explored.

Living an authentic life means continually asking yourself why you are doing the things you are, devoting your time the way you do, and making the choices you make. And if you discover that you are still struggling, it doesn’t diminish at all the work that you may have already done to live a healthier life. It simply means that you may need more support.