Reader Poll :: Does sharing negative body thoughts help or hurt?
When Diana Spechler, author of the soon-to-be-released novel about a weight-loss camp, contacted me to tell me about a new website she had created, I was decidedly curious. In her email, Diana described the site as a “place where people can anonymously post their feelings about their bodies.”
As I thought about the potential for this body-focused PostSecret-esque venture, I wanted to know what had prompted Diana to create the site, so I asked her to share with me its evolution. “When I was writing Skinny… I was terrified to write about my characters’ body image issues and relationships to food because I worried that the book would get published and everyone would know that I had body image issues… I had to get over that before I could write the book,” she said.
So Diana began pouring out her “secrets” – the dark thoughts about herself and her body that she found so shameful – in the novel. She recalled, “I had to remind myself a million times along the way to be honest, to stop hiding. It wasn’t easy. But five years later, I feel better. I can talk about my own body image issues and eating issues much more freely. And that’s because I spent so much time telling my secrets in my novel.
Like many others, Diana found healing in sharing what she had perceived as unspeakable. She gave voice to the negative thoughts that plagued her and found that as she shared these thoughts, they became less powerful. They loosened their grip.
“It seemed miraculous to me, and I wanted to find a way to give that gift to others,” Diana told me. “I wanted to tell the world, “Just talk about it! You’ll feel better!”
And so Body Confessions was born. It developed as a place for women to feel connected. Diana feels that “pretending that the problem is something different from what it is harms all of us and compounds the shame we already feel. [It’s] so we can say the things we aren’t supposed to say, and so that other people can read the truth and feel less alone.”
But does connecting over a shared hatred for our bodies really do us any good? Could it be more harmful than helpful? Where is the line between releasing shame and spiraling into negativity drawn?
These the question that began to stir in my mind as I perused the site. What I found saddened me for the women who had written the “confessions.”
Take this one, from an anonymous visitor: There are two possible reasons God did not create me as pretty and beautiful as other women. Either He thought I’d be able to handle it. Or I am just not worthy. I’m leaning towards the latter because I just can’t handle this.
Other confessions are equally heartbreaking (and potentially triggering), ranging from complaints about the size of one’s tummy to struggles with binging and purging to certainty that one’s partner will cheat because of one’s size. There are also the occasional uplifting posts, such as this one: I love myself the way I am. Affirmative posts like this are certainly more the exception than the rule on the site, however.
Personally, I didn’t leave the site feeling any better about my body. I actually didn’t feel much of anything about my own body, but rather a sense of helplessness in wanting to take away the pain of those posting these messages.
However, Diana has found that the site makes people feel less alone. And Glamour recently shared it on own of their blogs.
Interestingly, and perhaps contradictorily, Glamour’s recent piece in its March issue on body image included research suggesting that negative body thoughts actually shape our brains in an unhealthy way, promoting even more negative thoughts.
Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., a Cincinnati psychologist who was quoted for the article, said, “Neuroscience has shown that whatever you focus on shapes your brain. If you’re constantly thinking negative thoughts about your body, that neural pathway becomes stronger—and those thoughts become habitual,” she explains. “Imagine a concert pianist. Her brain would have stronger neural pathways that support musicality and dexterity than someone who hadn’t spent her life practicing.”
So, what do you think?
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Respond to the poll and then share your thoughts in the comments below. We want to know! Do you feel it’s healing to get those thoughts out of your mind and onto the computer screen, knowing that others have “been there?” Or does it fuel more self-deprecation? Have you found writing your negative thoughts down to be helpful in other ways? What has helped you in overcoming negative body image? Would you ever use this site?
15 Comments
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[...] Check out Ashley’s excellent post about a new website, Body Confessions, that lets readers post anonymous messages about their [...]
Joy Tanksley
784 days ago
Hey Ashley. Thank you for raising this issue. I received an email from Diana about Body Confessions, and when I visited the site I quickly decided I would not be promoting it to my peeps. I understand the intentions, and I think there is a thread of truth in the idea that sharing our negative thoughts and feelings can be part of a healing process. However, if “venting” is the only step taken, I think it does more harm than good. A dumping ground for limiting beliefs doesn’t do us much good if we don’t actually recognize that these ARE LIMITING BELIEFS and can be questioned and replaced with more empowering (and true) belief systems. I much prefer sites that seek to normalize (and even celebrate) a variety of body shapes and sizes. I think The Shape of a Mother is a pretty good example of this.
KCLAnderson (Karen)
784 days ago
There is something to be said for “not feeling alone” as it regards to the insecurities we may have about our bodies, but I think way too many women have been programmed over time to think that they only way they can bond is over hating their bodies…
When I think too much about it, I start to wonder about the much greater picture: could it be that big media and big food are in cahoots to keep us coming back for more of both…making us fatter and sicker and doubting and hating ourselves? Because it’s all a big vicious circle and so many of those big companies are actually part of much larger conglomerations and…well…I know I sound paranoid hahahaha.
Seriously though, it’s why I don’t watch TV or the news…it’s why I don’t click on links like that. It’s why I don’t talk (much) about stuff like that because I don’t want to call any more attention to them. I will, however, be sharing this post :-)
KCLAnderson (Karen) recently posted..I’ve Changed My Mind
Christie {Nourishing Circle}
784 days ago
I agree with Joy, I also received an invitation to the site and decided it was not a good fit. I think it is ruminating in those thoughts and limiting beliefs that keep up in such states of disorder. Awareness is always the first step – but it is only the first step – without the work of dismantling those beliefs we are doing more harm than good.
i do agree that knowing you are not alone is an important piece of the puzzle – but I think it is important to seek the support of those who want to help you move forward – not stay stuck in old thoughts and beliefs. And while I doubt this was the creators intention, that is likely what is actually happening.
Christie {Nourishing Circle} recently posted..Apricots- huh
Marsha @ Green Mountain at Fox Run
784 days ago
I’m with Ann. I think we need more practice talking positively about ourselves, rather than further cementing those pathways carved by negative self-talk.
Sunny
784 days ago
It might sound selfish, but I tend away from bloggers who dwell in a world of negativity. Don’t get me wrong; we all have blue moments here and there, but if that is someone’s ‘normal’ mode of feeling…I stay away. I don’t want to get pulled down into all of their problems. Life deals me enough; I don’t need to steep in other’s. Again, a selfish outlook, but an honest one. It’s like reading/hearing about child abuse cases. I was an ECE educator and director for many years; I heard and witnessed enough of those stories to last 10 lifetimes. I refuse to read or listen to any more such stories. It’s just.too.painful. Same applies to bloggers (or websites) that wallow in pain, depression, misery. No thanks. A selfish no thanks, but no thanks nonetheless.
Sunny recently posted..How My Intuitive Eating is Morphing
JourneyBeyondSurvival
784 days ago
It may be helpful to be able to type them into a private chat with a certified therapist. I find it incredibly harmful to put it out there and then to have so many other previously unthought of negative thoughts to peruse. I found it triggering when I first saw the site. It didn’t help me feel better.
It made me feel horrible, and also it had the kind of a vibe of a competition to be the sickest on there. I think if people are out there, they should be putting their time into replacing those thoughts with positive ones.
Not validating the horrible ones that they fear the most by putting it out there publicly.
JourneyBeyondSurvival recently posted..Eclectic
Kendra (Voice in Recovery)
784 days ago
AMEN AMEN AMEN to what Joy says. I absolutely agree with everything she said.
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Joy Tanksley
784 days ago
By the way – another site that i think succeeds at this sort of thing is http://www.thebodyimageproject.com. They post videos of real people discussing their body image struggles and successes, but the overall message is always empowering.
Eve
784 days ago
While I can potentially see the value in the “release,” I feel like reading everyone’s body venting/hatred would make it very difficult to feel anything but bad about myself after leaving. I tend to think this concept would do more harm than good in forming a community of people who can hate their bodies together and find new things to hate about themselves.
Star
784 days ago
There is a difference between sharing your story about you body and emotions connected and dwelling over the negative thoughts. A person who has always been ashamed of his/her body may find great freedom in finally expressing those dark thoughts. It can allow the person to not keep it so secretive, express feelings, and have the opportunity to process and challenge thoughts. However, it becomes harmful when a person stays dwelling in the negative thoughts or builds relationships with others based upon negative body thoughts. Dwelling in the thoughts, instead of trying to deal with feelings or process, will only increase the problem. So while sharing is good, do not make it the foundation of your relationship.
Dana Udall-Weiner
784 days ago
Great questions, Ashley. I think it really depends on context. If someone is feeling really alone, it can be validating to find support and commonality in others. But if the talk goes on too long, or if there aren’t some bright spots–some people, for example, who have been able to leave some of the negative body thoughts behind–then I think it can be damaging.
Dana Udall-Weiner recently posted..Mindfulness- The Practice of Being in Your Body Change Your Thoughts- Not Your Thighs!
Kat
784 days ago
I feel that you can learn and grow from identifying what it is that you think is wrong with your body, HOWEVER, I feel that the benefit is only reaped when one spends time countering those thoughts and breaking them down and figuring out why you’ve come to that decision, and what you can do about it.
There’s nothing to be gained from merely listing off things that are horrid if that’s all that’s being done. In order to be proactive you have to react to those thoughts. You have to combat them. You have to put in work. Without that, in my opinion, not much separates them from self-loathing found in pro-anorexia sites that helps to feed the disorder.
Shah Wharton
783 days ago
Hi – I have a relevant guest post regarding eating disorders and children. Wondered if you’d like to take a look?
http://wordsinsync.blogspot.com/2011/03/could-your-eating-disorder-affect-your.html
I also do Monday Madness – a blog linky for mental health bloggers every week, and Awareness day on Wednesdays. Hope to see you over at wordsinsync soon – OH – For those who participate in the linky’s I offer the chance of a feature on Thursdays too. Shah .X
Angela Minard
783 days ago
I remember as a child, my mother sharing with me everything she hated about her body. It would really hurt me then, when she would say how much I was built like her. No surprise that I developed anorexia. I think we need to reframe those negative thoughts with positives, and not dwell on what we hate. I think it does so much harm.
Angela Minard recently posted..Checking In
Lindsey @ Morningstar Project
783 days ago
I have mixed emotions on the idea. At first I felt supportive of the website, especially given the author’s reasoning for the site’s creation. It is very difficult to share those shameful thoughts about your body with others. But then I changed my stance after checking out the website. It made my stomach hurt reading through the statement people were making and the seeing the number of “been theres” on each. Since there isn’t a positive follow-up message or any type of education aspect to the site I think it can breed more negative thinking.
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