If I lived by women’s magazines for a day
Ever pick up the latest issue of Vogue and feel just a little bit, well… underdressed? Or read Shape and noticed your self-esteem dropping in direct correlation with the number miles you did not run today? Ever peruse Good Housekeeping and wonder just how other women seem to have time to clean their gutters, plan a dinner party for twelve, teach a yoga class, negotiate a raise at work, and make mad, passionate love to their husbands, all before getting in bed promptly at ten o’clock? Yeah, me too.
As a bit of an experiment, I took a peek at some of the latest issues of the most popular women’s magazines, just to find out exactly how I should be spending my time. With circulations nearing seven million, one would imagine that the information therein would be of the absolute highest quality, right? What better source to determine just how to plan my day! Here’s a rundown of what’s on my magazine-inspired agenda:
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I would start my morning by working to make my eyes as big, bright, and sexy as possible. I’ll need to devote at least twenty minutes to follow the recommended routine applying moisturizer, high-end eye cream, brightening shadow, special liner, and $65 mascara on my Latisse-enhanced lashes. No one likes small, dull, unsexy eyes, right? Psssh……
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I’d then move on to finding the perfect jeans for my bum while I apply the rest of my make-up for flawless skin. If I started to experienced any body anxiety about living up to these unattainable ideals, I’d just use some of the techniques I learned in… oh, wow… the same magazine. Now how can that be….
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After heading to my totally fabulous 9-5er, checking emails and sipping my non-fat latte, I’d start wondering if perhaps I shouldn’t do something more meaningful with my life, like returning to school to free my brother from prison. I start googling online LSAT prep courses…
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After work I’d head to the gym to take off what I packed on and develop some flat, sexy, abs! Just because I lost weight while eating out at lunch doesn’t mean my abs are going to be toned enough to make good sex great. All that core work will definitely pay off in the bedroom later…
{Source}
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After my intense workout, I’m starvinnnng and so whip up shortcut dinner of portabella mushroom stroganoff. I used to think frozen pizza was sufficient, but now that I’m supposed to eat organic, vegan, raw, clean, and 100% taste-free, I’ve had to make some changes.
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Once the dishes are washed, I can reflect on my long day of primping, working, exercising, and meal planning. And I realize I’m totally in the mood for bad girl sex, of course. Who cares if I’m more Natalie Portman than Kim Kardashian?
{Source}
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But before I corner my partner, I start wondering, “how many men is too many?” Struck by the perpetual female conundrum – to be a prude or a whore – I start tallying… And anxiety ensues. Maybe I’ll hold off on the midnight romp for another night. Instead, I’ll just read about the latest diet that, while reportedly dangerous, really works. I mean, they say it does on the cover, right?
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Okay, so I hope that we can all have a little chuckle. I don’t hate these magazines, nor do I think that they don’t often have super helpful tips (e.g. saving on grocery bills), important health news (Glamour got me to finally make SPF a priority), and inspiring stories (some of these cover girls are rock stars! – in the coolest sense of the word).
But it’s all too easy for the tips and advice to make us feel like we can’t measure up. Maybe you just can’t afford that $400 handbag or don’t have time for a daily yoga lesson. Hey, It’s OK! It doesn’t mean you’re not totally amazing.
If magazines are getting you down, it may be time to cut them up and, say, make a beautiful vision board. Decide to be your own cover girl and decide on all the headlines you’d want on the magazine of your life. [FYI: You’ll see no mention of flat abs or long lashes on mine!].
How would you want your headlines to read?
20 Comments
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[...] Nourishing the Soul, If I Lived by Women’s Magazines for a Day [...]
PJ
385 days ago
What a great post! Love the idea of making my own coverpage!! My headline?? “Recovery looks so HOT on you!” :)PJ
PJ recently posted..listening to the dietician
KCLAnderson (Karen)
385 days ago
Not to mention how much money we’d be spending…
GREAT post!
KCLAnderson (Karen) recently posted..Serendipity
Hannah
385 days ago
This is a pretty pretty funny take on Magazines! Their messages are SO ridiculous and unattainable. I’ve stopped subscribing to Self and it has helped so much with my self esteem….though I still check it out sometimes in the CVS aisle….but I’m glad that I hardly ever buy it anymore.
Hannah recently posted..Therapy Homework- Fear- Stomachs- and Friends
LeslieGoldman
385 days ago
As a magazine writer, I try to strike a balance between solid advice that I myself could follow and fun, splashy text that will grab readers’ attenition. But there are definitely certain magazines I won’t even pick up-let alone write for-b/c they make me feel like garbage. Stick with the ones that entertain and empower YOU!
Melissa Anderson
385 days ago
Such a great rundown to showcase just how absurd it can all get. Personally, I stopped buying US Weekly and People magazine about a year ago. Once I really started paying attention to the messages, advertising and the serious impact it was having on my self esteem, it was an easy choice.
Melissa Anderson recently posted..Yeah- I’m a badass And I sometimes run
Victoria (District Chocoholic)
385 days ago
This is why I subcribe to “The Economist” only. Here would be *my* headlines:
“How to kick butt in the weight room – not for you looks, but just because”
“Why you don’t need to wear makeup. At all”
“Keep your cool on an annoying subway commute: the secrets”
Victoria (District Chocoholic) recently posted..Thorntons Milk Chocolate Tonka Bar- Illicit Packages from the UK
DorleeM
385 days ago
This is a wonderful post about how advertisers, marketers and society are all working SO hard at making women feel as inadequate as possible so as to “need” to purchase their products so as to as if come close to attaining the unattainable ideals in looks and as women have succeeded in the work place, the unattainable ideals/requirements have only increased…. this is the backlash effect.
I’m not sure how we fight back against it…it’s not enough to just say it’s not right…we need a mini-revolution of a sort to really change things.
DorleeM recently posted..Fat Oppression- Stigma Comes in Large Sizes
marzipan
385 days ago
Let me just say, you’re a genius. I love this post.
marzipan recently posted..Guest Post- Body Image Work That Can Change Everything
marzipan
385 days ago
OH – and more importantly, ::shhh:: I used to live like that. Every day. Every month. I was a trendaholic.
It was exhausting.
marzipan recently posted..Guest Post- Body Image Work That Can Change Everything
charlotte
385 days ago
I think Marzipan nailed it – it’s exhausting to live that way! Always chasing an unattainable standard that changes by the minute. There are def. quite a few mags that make me feel worse about myself after I read them. And yet I can’t quite seem to quit them. I am glad you didn’t include links to those headlines because there were a couple I was tempted to read… sheesh.
Marci
385 days ago
Great post, as usual! This was actually a ton of fun b/c I recently presented talk, poking a little fun at all of the magazine covers (which are down right exhausting!). I stick with my Real Simple mag- inspiring, practical, useful, and doesn’t depress me. Life’s too short, right?
Candy Cohn
384 days ago
Very clever and funny. I love the thought of writing our own headlines for our life. In running a summer camp, we work so hard to help young people feel good about themselves and celebrate being who they are. It’s so hard when they’re inundated with all these unattainable images. Hopefully, they find something to be passionate about in life, and that helps them to establish a foundation to feel good about.
Candy Cohn recently posted..Tips for parents preparing for summer camp
Megan Jedlinski
384 days ago
This is such a great post!!! And I definitely made myself my own vision board last week and love the idea of doing a coverpage with it:)
Christine
384 days ago
While I enjoy reading some magazines, mostly with beautiful yards and decor (purely inspirational), I happily gave up comparing myself to the air-brushed “stars” on other magazines. When I look back at pictures of myself over the years, I think now what I didn’t then, “I looked great, I was healthy, I was happy.” No need to beat myself up for what is still true! I’m going to think that about myself for the rest my life, lived by being what makes me (and my family) happy.
Tina @ Faith Fitness Fun
384 days ago
I love how you showcase the absurdity of some of what’s in magazines but still don’t trash them either. I agree that there can be useful, motivational, etc pieces…but we have to be cautious of the overall message presented. Great post! :)
Tina @ Faith Fitness Fun recently posted..The Undocumented Side
ayesha a
383 days ago
What a great post I found on New Moon’s facebook page! I’ve been working a lot in small faith-based settings to talk about media literacy, techniques and to basically show how our lives can easily be controlled by media headlines. I used to laugh every time I saw the word ‘sex’ on SELF magazine’s cover, and I did complain to them. I found it offensive to talk about sex incessantly in a magazine dedicated to ‘my best self’. Thanks for your work, and I will definitely be quoting you in my upcoming media literacy workshop!
Ayesha
Ann Becker-Schutte
382 days ago
Ashley,
Loved it. Sometimes, I think we need the humor to be able to step back and recognize how insidious and pervasive the messages are. I don’t know if you follow Ragan at her Dances with Fat blog (http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com), but she did a similarly powerful review of fitness magazine headlines a couple of months ago. You’re both voices that I appreciate so much.
Thanks!
Ann
Ann Becker-Schutte recently posted..Self Care 101- Regaining Traction
Katie
378 days ago
What a great post…it brought me smiles and chuckles throughout. But yet, it couldn’t be MORE true. All of these magazines contradict themselves again and again, while they “convince” their readers of what they really “should” be doing with their time. They couldn’t be more wrong.
Katie recently posted..“I had a secret meeting in the basement of my
Kelly
359 days ago
“Carbs are great for brains”
Lynette Olson
160 days ago
Love the idea of making my own coverpage!! I stick with my Real Simple mag- inspiring, practical, useful, and doesn’t depress me.
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