The cost of beauty privilege
{via pinterest; originally here}
This post is one that has been brewing in mind for a while. After I watched Brene Brown’s recent TED talk on approaching shame, I was settled on writing it. And then I read Gala Darling’s amazing post on whether she’s a radical self-love hypocrite for wearing five-inch heels.
What both of these inspiring women talk about is the concept of privilege. Brown claims that we cannot talk about race relations in this country without talking about shame, the link being the acknowledgement of white privilege. I whole-heartedly agree. To really address race, we have to address privilege, and we have to address shame.
Gala Darling points outs the fact that just as those of us who are white are granted certain privileges in our society, so are those of us who are attractive, or who ascribe to the norms laid out like inalienable laws in our culture.
Think about it. I’m sure that you’ve had the experience of being decked out in a pretty dress, high heels, and a face full of make-up, and been treated oh so slightly better than when you showed up in your hoodie and flannel shorts. One example that I can think of is running into a grocery store to pick something up before a party and being asked by several different staff if they could help me find what I was looking for. Wow, I thought, what service! Unfortunately, I didn’t have the same experience when I walked in a week later after a sweaty run and no shower. Granted, the first time it could have been my hurried expression and the second time my smell to blame, but I’d put money on the beauty privilege idea.
This type of treatment isn’t relegated to grocery stores, unfortunately. Watching The Voice recently, my husband and I were commenting that the judges seem to place a value on physical attractiveness in selecting the winner of the “battle-round” (when two contestants face off in a singing duel). This is particularly ironic because the show is based around the idea that one should be advanced and selected based on the quality of their performance. In fact, it’s what makes the show so engaging is that individuals with non-stereotyped body sizes, physical appearances, or styles, are actually given a chance to shine. In the beginning, it eliminates beauty privilege. But as soon as the judges can use visual information to help them make a decision, we start to see the insidious pull of attraction. Just think of Susan Boyle’s rise to fame.
It’s not just the judges that are engaging in this. Just wait until the live shows when the American public can vote. I feel quite certain we’ll see more beauty bias at play. And to be honest, there’s good, biologically speaking, reason for this.
Back in the 1970’s, some social psychology researchers identified the “what is beautiful is good” bias. What they and subsequent researchers found was that attractive people are assumed to be better employees, smarter, happier, and have more positive personality traits. These same biases operate for lower versus higher weight individuals as well.
What’s interesting is that, while these ideas are not necessarily founded, when they are true it could also be due the cycle of privilege. When someone is born attractive, they are treated differently from the get-go. They are regarded well by peers and possibly interact more frequently, thereby developing more charisma and confidence. They are favored by teachers and might end up enjoying school more for this reason, so suddenly they are excelling in their courses.
The point is, the idea of beauty privilege is complex, and the solution is unfortunately complex as well. It’s not as easy as just stopping giving pretty people all the good stuff. Our evolution-driven wiring to seek out what is attractive is not going anywhere. So what we are left with is the task of recognizing and talking about the idea of beauty privilege.
Just as with any form of privilege, we hold back from discussing it because it can bring about shame. But we know that approaching shame and sitting with it in all its discomfort is part of the work of becoming more authentic and happier human beings. If we want to live in a world where our politicians are the best people to run the government, our singers are actually talented, and our children don’t feel they have to wear make-up in pre-school, then we have to acknowledge and start dialoguing about what is hard to talk about.
How have you seen beauty privilege?
Alex @ Raw Recovery
411 days ago
I absolutely loved this post, Ashley. I love Brené Brown and I’m going to hear her speak at a conference in New York in a few weeks and I’m so excited. I loved her book, “The Gifts of Imperfection” but I’ve held out on watching the Ted Talk so I can hear her talk in person.
I do think the beauty privilege absolutely exists and it can be both a good thing and a bad thing. Our culture definitely places a high value on beauty (no matter what the cost to our mental, physical, or emotional selves) and there have been certain attributes given to beauty (i.e. being smarter, happier, etc.- all the things you mentioned). It’s interesting and disturbing to see how beauty has been warped.
In my own life and recovery from an eating disorder, I really had to examine the beliefs I held around beauty. I always thought that beauty was a size or a number (only for me, this didn’t apply to others) and that once I got to that size or number I’d be happy, confident, beautiful, etc. Throughout my stay in a few treatment centers I learned that beauty really is about the soul. There were women and girls who were stereotypically attractive, but there is something about one’s attitude and actions that actually make a woman beautiful, in my opinion at least.
Alex @ Raw Recovery recently posted..Recovery Vegan on a Budget: Part 2
Amanda @ Click. The Good News
411 days ago
I’ve read Brene’s book & taken her course- very powerful stuff. Beauty privilege is such a fascinating topic & I applaud your courage for writing about it honestly & authentically.
Amanda @ Click. The Good News recently posted..Boyz II Men Concert
Andrea Owen
411 days ago
Interesting post, Ashley and a very interesting topic. Mara Glatzel and I were just having this conversation, specifically from a standpoint of a body image/self love activist.
I’ve received everything from eye rolls to people telling me I should come back to talk about body love once I’ve been fat.
Do I have beauty privilege? Yes. And thin privilege. And it’s actually a key factor of what kept me sick in my own eating disorder for so many years. When I got the courage to speak up and try to admit out loud that I thought I had a problem, it was always (yes, always) met with, “But, you’re thin and pretty. How could you hate your body or yourself?” The shame that followed that was devastating. So, I hated myself more.
Years later, it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Even in my profession, I get defensive when someone points out my privilege. Yes, our culture is screwed up. Yes, I think we biologically find certain things and people beautiful. But, when we judge others based on privilege, it breeds shame. It invites people to compare their stories and feel that theirs aren’t “bad enough”.
So, what’s the solution? I”m not really sure. Except to encourage everyone to be vulnerable and courageous and to share their stories, not matter what privilege they have.
Andrea Owen recently posted..7 Ways You’re Giving Away Your Power
Divinne Grace
407 days ago
I am not really familiar with this but thanks for the big help then… I really enjoyed reading your post here…
Divinne Grace recently posted..second hand cars stroud
Thea
406 days ago
Gala Darling isn’t a hypocrite for wearing 5 inch heels. But she is a hypocrite (or at least, untrustworthy and hardly inspirational) for living off her parents’ trust fund and claiming that all her income is from her blog… And then selling podcasts of “business advice” to people she’s duped.
Her real name is Amy Paape.
Katy
405 days ago
I’ve definitely seen it. I’ve also experienced it negatively… by woman too. When I dress up, I find other women tend to be less friendly and don’t say hi or whatever when they walk by but when I am a little grubbed out, they smile and say hi more often when they walk by.
Katy recently posted..Are You Fit For Success?
Mhikkai
400 days ago
This is very interesting topic and I am sure a lot of people will be very interested to read this especially the women…
Mhikkai recently posted..Jay Robb Whey Protein
tinafreysd
396 days ago
I heard of a study that was done a few years ago. I do not remember who did it and I now can not find information on it. Basically it said that if 2 people had the same qualifications workwise, of the 2, the more attractive person became the most successful.
tinafreysd recently posted..Best Treatments for Back Acne