Surrounding Yourself With Positive People {Guest Post}

Today’s post comes to us from Arianna, who shares her musings at Arianna’s Random Thoughts. I’m excited to share her perspective on the importance of surrounding yourself with positive people. Read on…

Throughout my life, I have struggled: comparing myself to images of women in the media and letting this comparison influence my behaviour, treatment of my body, and my attitude. I was in a constant battle to not let these unrealistic images influence my view of myself. I felt like I should change myself and my imperfections to some “ideal” image in order to be happy and accepted by others. I am overcoming this battle every day. Now, my aim for my life is to keep my mask off and let people see the “real” me.

In our society, it can seem like an individual’s image is the most important, and their personal success is what matters. When people asked me, “How are you?” I figured they didn’t want to hear about all the things that are going on in my life.So I usually responded with, “Good.” I guess I believed that appearing as if I had it all together showed a sign of strength. However, truth is, everyone has struggles as no one’s life is perfect.

In some social circles, if someone talks about their personal issues and is vulnerable, that person has a high likelihood of getting judged negatively. Therefore, to avoid being judged, many of us stay in the “safe” zone in conversations. Rather than open up when others need help, we turn to things we can easily consume (i.e., alcohol, drugs, food, products, etc.) or go to other drastic measures to cope and make us feel better. However, to recover from these addictions, we will have to talk about our issues with trained professionals.

I believe that talking to others and sharing our story is an important aspect in the healing process. But, it doesn’t always require going to a professional to deal with personal issues. We can prevent this step by peeling off your mask, reaching out, sharing our struggles, and connecting to others in the community early on. Surrounding ourselves with positive people can be a safety net.

I got the strength to take off my own mask permanently after an interesting conversation with a friend. We had known each other for a number of years, yet we only talked about “safe” topics. However, I had been craving the need for a deeper friendship. I just wasn’t sure how to get there. During the conversation, my friend brought up how I was a “frustrating friend,” as I only talked about superficial topics; so, the friend had lost interest in our friendship.

Throughout our friendship, we had both gone through hardships, yet we didn’t share with each other. While I had thought I was being authentic, I had a hard time being vulnerable and letting others (even in this case, one of my closest friends) know what was going on in my heart. To become a better friend, I learned to open up and to be vulnerable to others.  I think it’s important to get people talking about what is going on in their lives. Life is not meant to go through alone. Odds are, others are undergoing similar things.

Life is short, so put your time and effort into deeper relationships. They are so important. Next time someone you interact with tells you they are “fine” even though they look sad, take time out of your life and show them you care. Just remember that these relationships take time; some connections don’t happen immediately or when you want them to. But, don’t give up when things go slower than you had hoped. Be patient with the person; people have their reasons why they may not open up right away. Also, remember that relationships are two ways: you have to be vulnerable, and you have to express your feelings to the other person as well. Say THANK YOU friend for the reminder to be more vulnerable in my relationships and to open up more. I’ve learned my lesson, and now my mask is off.

Arianna is an educator, a consultant, the Founder of Arianna’s Random Thoughts, and an athlete. She has a rich background in education with a Master’s of Education Degree in Human Development and Applied Psychology from The University of Toronto (Ontario Institute for Studies in Education) and a Bachelor of Science (Honours) Degree in Psychology from Carleton University. The focus of her work has been to understand the strategies individuals use to solve problems and applying that knowledge to society. Her motto is: “You cannot control what will happen to you or how you will be treated by others. You CAN control, however, how you react to the situation. Learning how to do that in a positive manner is key!”