Six Steps to Making Friends After College

{image credit :: roots of she}

Sure, you were apprehensive. But after careful consultation with your mom and your therapist, you decided that taking that job in New York was a no-brainer. It was a step up the career ladder, and you’d always pictured meeting your longtime lover when you crashed into each other jogging in Central Park. Making friends, you assumed, would be easy in a city of over eight million people. Right?

Between bad things (like the economy) and good ones (like more career advancement for women), many of us are hard-pressed not to move at some point for a job. Then, of course, there are those who seem to have found the perfect house, spouse, and 401k without leaving their favorite backyard. But those people are jerks.

Then there are those who suffer from perpetual wanderlust, or need to get out of dodge for others reasons, like a nasty break-up in a town of 216 people or a super embarrassing night out at the most popular bar in the city. Whatever the reason, people today are more likely than ever to relocate. And unless your social network stretches, well, across the globe, it’s likely that means you’re in the position of finding new friends later in life.

We all know that the prime friend-establishing time tends to be high-school and college. It’s scientifically proven, in fact, due to the close proximity, the repeated, unplanned exposure, and settings in which people let their guards down (way down, in some cases). But if school is a distant memory and the average age at your new job is somewhere around retirement, how do you avoid watching Home Alone on a Saturday night (not that there’s anything wrong with that)?

1. It’s a standard answer these days, but Meetup.com is genius, really. The website allows you to search for or create a group that fits your interests. There’s the usual book clubs, singles groups, hiking clubs, and Mommy and Me playdates, but there are also some really interesting and unusual opportunities, like groups for learning Mandarin, or vegan cooking, or making paper dolls. Why not learn something and meet like-minded friends?
2. I know it can sound strange, but ask others to set you up. Once you’ve established some kind of connection – even if it’s just with Joyce in HR – start dropping not-so-subtle hints that you are interested in meeting friends in your new locale. You’d be amazed how many people will hear your interest and be excited to introduce you to their niece who also loves yoga and has a monthly BYOB night with her girlfriends. Why, yes, you would love to join!
3. Maybe it goes without saying, but you don’t meet people by taking a bath and watching Weeds on Friday nights. Unless, well, okay that’s just weird… You have to put yourself in social situations. Even if you don’t have a companion, get out there. Go to the art exhibit or take your book to the beach. Even if you don’t meet anyone, at least you’ll be making yourself more interesting.
4. Start accepting every invitation, even if you think no one you would connect with might be there. If you suck at softball, go ahead and tell your co-worker you’ll come along to the Tuesday night game anyway. Worst case scenario? You sit on the bench and tell stories about the black eye you got in fifth grade.
5. Again, this involves a bit of gusto, but I say introduce yourself at (almost) every turn. Easier said than done, but whenever someone unexpectedly introduces themselves to me – whether on the train, at an art reception, or in line for the bathroom – I’m always super impressed and find myself wanting to get to know them. Preferably, a casual conversation would have first taken place. And instead of letting the moment be the last (if it seems like someone you could connect with), tack on that you’re Hannah.
6. Perhaps the most important piece of advice is this: be someone that people want to be friends with. Obviously if you’re life becomes consumed with seeking out companionship and your interests and confidence fall by the wayside, people aren’t going to be all that excited about getting to know you. First and foremost comes developing your own identity and the type of friend you want to be.

What ways have you discovered to meet friends later in life?