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Ashley Solomon, Psy.D is a psychologist who specializes in the treatment of eating disorders, body image, trauma, and serious mental illness.

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Giving Up on Being Right

January 15, 2013 5 Comments by Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul

{image via pinterest}

It was the weekend before our first ever baby shower when a couple people texted me to tell me that the registry we had created a major baby retailer had suddenly disappeared. They knew something was up because they had checked it out online before and now it was gone. Had we deleted it for some reason?

Noooooo…. I responded, confused. I checked myself and saw that they were in fact correct. The registry was nowhere to be found online. I started to get worried, knowing that our guests would likely be looking for it in order to purchase gifts. It wasn’t so much that I felt nervous to not receive a Baby Bjorn, but rather that our guests would be inconvenienced and confused.

I took a deep breath and called customer service. I talked to a fairly pleasant young woman for a while about the problem, and she was just as confused about it’s disappearance as I was. After about a half hour, she said she would transfer me to someone who may be able to help. And then she disconnected me instead. Deep breath. I was on my way to an all-day class, so I had to wait a few hours to call back. When I did, same routine… half hour with a representative, she says she’ll connect me with a manager, we are disconnected. I’m  starting to think this is a giant scheme… 

After my class is over, I take my tired and very irritated self straight to the store. Enough with phone calls! Being in the midst of the holidays, to call the place a zoo would be to insult zoos. There had to be six million people in this one store. I felt claustrophobic just walking in. I talked to a store employee for a while (time number infinity it seemed of explaining the story) and he agreed to have me talk to a manager. Now I can finally get some help!

Oh, how I was wrong. The manager seemed to have very little patience for my plight. But my shower! He kept insisting that the registry did not exist. Which it clearly did not, any longer. It was there, I swore. I’ve spent six months creating it. People had purchased us a couple of gifts from it. I came in this exact store and played with one of those little zapper guns picking out everything from pacifiers to a crib mattress.

And yet the manager insisted that there was no way that this was possible, given that it was gone. He told us that there’s no way it disappeared and that the only thing that could have happened is that we never created it or we chose to delete it. Now I want to scream. He had no interest in the fact that neither were true or even in the realm of possibility. In fact, he suggested that we had never even walked into the store before that day, implying not so subtly that we were possibly trying to scam him into giving us something as compensation for this. Because I spend my weekends playing out this elaborate scheme, while in my third trimester of pregnancy. What a great use of my time. Is this actually a pillow in my shirt? He said that his hands were tied and said that if we could even prove our story, he would be “so happy to help.” I hardly believed that, given that he looked like I was the most annoying person on earth in that moment.

I went home, feeling shocked, angry, and defeated. Here was my dilemma: Should I create a whole new registry, knowing that the shower guests would be looking for it, but knowing that this just make it impossible to prove our case (the store would see a registry and assume it was the same one as before)? Or should I hold out and search for a way to prove my point, delaying having a registry and inconveniencing guests and possibly forsaking getting my coveted Baby Bjorn?

I’ll be honest. I really wanted to hold out. I wanted so badly to prove this jerk wrong. I felt angry and insulted that he could imply I would lie about the situation, and I had already spent hours trying to fix the mess. I wanted retribution for my time and energy being wasted. Part of me really wanted to make this guy feel small, to be honest. I was so mad. The hormones didn’t help the matter.

When I got home, I actually got the evidence I needed. Someone had a receipt that showed the registry had been in existence the week before. I called the store, but of course the manager couldn’t be reached. I had another dilemma. Do I hold out to see if he calls me back (I left a message) or do I move on, suck it up, and create a new registry? Now I had the evidence leading to vindication in my hands. But it would require me to either wait (and, again, inconvenience friends and family possibly) or make yet another trip to the store, not even knowing if the guy would be working. And if I went, could he, would he, even do anything?

But man, I wanted to show him that darn receipt… Just to see his face and get an apology.

But would I even get an apology? Or would he have another rationale, a way to explain it away? Should I spend more time on this issue, time that I could be making a new registry and moving on with life?

Ultimately, I decided that the battle wasn’t worth it. I realized that proving myself to this person had become much too important to me. It wasn’t serving me to be so wrapped up in whether he knew that I was right and he was wrong, and in fact it was taking up more of my time and energy that just addressing the problem myself would have (wasting my time and energy being the thing I had just been complaining to him about).

I recognized that my intentions were to make someone feel less than me, and that was hardly the person that I wanted to be. This whole issue revolved around baby items, and I certainly wouldn’t want the baby in question to grow up feeling that being right was more important than anything else.

So I sucked it up. I complained to some friends and did something else for a while (and later wrote this post), which helped release some of the tension. And I was able to recognize that while it didn’t feel great forsake getting to prove myself, it was what needed to be done to release the negative energy I was holding on to. I wish I could tell you that I let it go for the guy’s sake, but ultimately it was what was best for me.

And in the end, our shower was full of love, laughter, and a plenty of gifts.

Have you ever been faced with a situation in which you knew you were right, but someone else didn’t think so? How did you handle it? 

 

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4 Comments

  1. Amanda @ Click. The Good News
    2 years ago

    Urgh- that totally stinks! I had some recent unfun experiences with BRU lately, but that’s awful. I think I’ll remind me friends to print out a hard copy of their registry in case that every happens. Usually they do that for people who come into shop for you too.

    Reminds me of a saying “Would you rather be right or be happy?” I know you can’t prove yourself at this point, so may as well just let the anger go & move on. Can you quickly/easily do a register online from home or at Amazon just to put some stuff on there for friends & family to buy? Good luck!
    Amanda @ Click. The Good News recently posted..Zoe’s 11th Birthday

    Reply

  2. Jade
    2 years ago

    Interesting post! definitely an annoying situation to be in, but I think its a great point to bring up, that sometimes you just have to let it go
    because some people are always going to be arrogant, mean, rude etc and its not worth wasting breath on them. :-)

    Reply

  3. Bek @ Crave
    2 years ago

    I wish I was as good a person as you, but usually I’ll keep going. I’m incredibly stubborn. I’ve never though of it the way you did and will keep this in mind for the future. Negative energy is no good and recognising what is it you’re actually trying to do.
    Bek @ Crave recently posted..Egg Flipping Bliss

    Reply

  4. PTC
    2 years ago

    Man, I really wanted you to bust him!!!

    I have a friend who thinks she’s always right. I can’t argue with her, she’s a stubborn New Yorker! I know I’ll never get anywhere.

    One time she wanted to return a phone that she had for a few months. She didn’t have the receipt and didn’t have the box. She argued with the people at the store. I said something about keeping the receipt and she said, “Why would I keep the receipt, I paid for it in cash.” HUH??? Um, even more reason to keep the receipt. I didn’t even want to go down that road.

    I do love proving people wrong though.

    Reply

One Trackback

  1. By Love The Links 19/1 | on January 18, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    [...] I could learn a thing or two…Giving Up On Being Right [...]

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