When Aimee Liu developed anorexia in the 1960s, very little was known about this devastating illness and much of her battle was fought alone. In our recent interview, she told me how she wrote her very first book, Solitaire, in an attempt to help her own parents understand the thoughts that filled her mind during her eating disorder. With even her own parents lacking the understanding of her disorder, it wasn’t necessarily surprising to Aimee that others couldn’t understand it either.

And we know that what we cannot understand, we often judge. And worse, we at times belittle and reject. People who suffer from eating disorders know this stigma all too well. They face it from friends, family members, medical professionals, insurance companies, and even themselves.

In reading Aimee’s newest work, I was struck by the theme of stigma that ran throughout the book. Restoring Our Bodies, Reclaiming Our Lives is a compilation of letters from individuals who have been at various stages in the process of recovery from eating disorders, supplemented with information from experts on various aspects of this process. In our interview, I asked Aimee to talk more about the stigma surrounding these disorders, as well as about what hope she sees.

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NTS: One of the themes in the book that stood out to me was that of stigma around eating disorders. How have you personally and professionally experienced this stigma?

Aimee: I find stigma to be a constant obstacle in the battle against eating disorders… I wrote my book about eating disorders, Gaining, to show how and why eating disorders are biologically based mental illnesses. But the stigma persists. Our culture absolutely insists on bathing the act of eating in judgment, so that eating too much or too little is inevitably treated as a source of pride or shame, and food itself is treated as an indulgence or punishment rather than as a basic necessity. The stigmatization and trivialization of eating disorders not only prevents sufferers from seeking treatment, but it also poses an obstacle to activism. I feel this keenly among family and friends who dismiss or ignore my writing about eating disorders.

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NTS: You talk about how external stigma (from insurance companies, the media, etc.) can mirror internal stigma. Can you explain this? How have you seen this played out?

Aimee: Mirroring is a two-way process. Most of us internalize the messages that surround us. That’s natural; it’s how we learn. And the earlier we’re exposed to these messages, the more deeply they’re likely to take hold of us. The marginalization of eating disorders makes it difficult to attract media attention or scientific attention to issues of prevention, treatment, or recovery. Instead, all public attention goes to the most extreme cases of starvation, bingeing, or purging, which in turn perpetuates the widespread myth that people with eating disorders are freaks or deviants who somehow bring their suffering on themselves.

This plays a large role in the intense shame that so many sufferers feel about their eating disorders, often so much shame that they are too embarrassed to admit that they have a mental health problem and need treatment. The complete lack of understanding about eating disorders in the insurance and much of the medical world then echoes the shame and confusion that the individual feels; those who are responsible for diagnosing, referring, and paying for adequate treatment too often view eating disorders as a problem solely of numbers on a scale — because that’s what the patients tell them and because this simple formula allows them to ignore (and, in the case of insurance companies, refuse to pay for treating) the real problem. We desperately need to expose medical doctors and the insurance industry to the truth about eating disorders.

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NTS: You’ve created a work that features stories of such hope. Why did you feel like it was important to share these?

Aimee: The flip side of the stigma that trivializes eating disorders is despair among those who experience these syndromes as anything but trivial. Many people feel trapped and hopeless because they are grappling with an illness that a) can take a long time to cure, and b) makes them feel completely isolated and misunderstood. Isolation is one of the most crippling aspects of eating disorders because it prevents sufferers from connecting with others who are healthy and/or getting well. The truth is that the vast majority of people with eating disorders do recover, but the lone individual battling the illness rarely recognizes this hopeful truth. So I felt it would be immensely valuable to collect verbal snapshots from ordinary individuals at every stage of recovery describing their personal experiences. This offers sufferers a kind of roadmap for their own recovery. I hope Restoring Our Bodies, Reclaiming Our Lives will protect readers against catastrophic thinking when they hit a bump and help them envision their own way back to health.

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NTS: You talk recovery as a process of restoration and discovery. How can individuals in the discovery process combat stigma?

Aimee: In the discovery phase of recovery individuals have the strength to raise their voices, tell the truth, and pursue their passions. They also have the power to stand up to the forces that contribute to eating disorders, one of which is stigma. This may involve something as simple as challenging a friend who says, “Oh, I wish I could be just a little anorexic.” Or it may entail more concerted activism, such as participating in a boycott or letter-writing campaign against food, fashion, or beauty companies that idealize emaciated bodies or supersized foods. There’s power in numbers, and more groups like the EDActivistNetwork on facebook are forming to lead the fight. The important thing is to be alert to the subtle messages that create this stigma, and confront them with personal truth.

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How do you combat stigma and discrimination – whether it’s against eating disorder, weight status, or other aspects of ourselves?

Jennifer Jonassen can remember all too clearly the harassment she faced as a child due to her size. But rather than dieting her way to a size that didn’t fit her or hiding in a cocoon of shame, Jennifer was able to harness her incredible spirit and creativity to become a true force. Today, she is an actress, a writer, a dancer, and an advocate for self-love and size-acceptance. She was also a nominee in this year’s Nourishing Body Image Awards, an honor that was much deserved. I’m excited to share with you my recent interview with Jennifer in which she tells me about how her experience as a fat woman has shaped her passions and career. Prepare to be inspired…

NTS: How would you describe your experience as a fat woman in the world?

Jennifer: I really feel there has been a surge of discrimination lately. Everyone seems to think it is OK to direct hatred toward heavier people. They think it’s justifiable and hide behind the health argument. I find it fascinating that all this anger is directed toward fat people presumably because we are costing so much money. My question is why aren’t they directing that anger towards the government? Why aren’t we demanding universal healthcare? No one seems to be upset that healthcare costs are criminal. Instead that anger is directed toward fat people.

NTS: How would you describe your experience as a fat actress in Hollywood?

Jennifer: It is a challenge. The majority of roles in Hollywood are demeaning. I turn a lot of projects down. And even the ones I choose sometimes turn out to be offensive. It’s frustrating because I want to work. But I also think there are a lot of opportunities opening up as well. As an actress I would like to be offered roles that have nothing whatsoever to do with my weight.

NTS: Tell us about your passion for acting, writing, and dancing. What about these creative expressions excites you? What do you want the world to know?

Jennifer: I have always wanted to perform, but I was always really quiet and shy. Something about theatre excited me and woke me up spiritually. I love writing because a lot of my facade tends to fall away and I get to expose what is really going on inside of me. But dancing! That is pure joy! I always wanted to dance like all little girls, but was discouraged because of my size. More than anything I would like to encourage everyone to dance. We are taught that exercise is painful, hard and punishing. It really doesn’t have to be. It can be euphoric!

NTS: Many individuals really struggle to understand how someone could be happy and healthy at a higher weight. What has your experience with this been, both for yourself and with others’ assumptions?

Jennifer: We have been brainwashed by the media to believe that thinness equals happiness. But my thinner friends have the same struggles in life that I do. Happiness is universal. It is not reserved for a specific size. We all can experience it if we are open to receiving it. For the longest time I thought that because I was fat that meant I would never find love or a relationship. I’m happy to say I was proven wrong. It took a lot of time for me to believe I was worth love. I hope that by sharing my experiences others won’t wait as long as I did to come to this realization.

NTS: Tell us about the upcoming documentary film, “FAT.” What interested you about participating in this project?

Jennifer: You get an incredibly intimate look at my journey to self acceptance. The film features many experts in the field and focuses on three women and our personal stories. The problem is when we attempt to talk about weight, we group everyone into the same category and make dangerous assumptions. If she’s fat, she’s lazy and gluttonous.   The problem with talking about weight in general is that everyone is an individual. There are so many variables: psychological, genetic, physical, economic, social, etc. When we attack someone for being fat verbally it is no different then when we attack someone physically. We are hurting their body and soul.

NTS: You also dance with R.A.I.D., a dance troupe that includes people of all shapes, sizes, and ages. How has R.A.I.D. enhanced your self-esteem and body image?

Jennifer: I think above everything else R.A.I.D. has really been the catalyst for my self-esteem and healthier body image. R.A.I.D. is joyous! R.A.I.D. allows me a freedom to express myself in anyway I feel at the moment: sexy, silly, empowered, strong, but mostly carefree. R.A.I.D. was founded by choreographer Ramie Becker with the simple idea that everyone has a right to dance. R.A.I.D. constantly challenges me physically and mentally.

NTS: Despite discrimination and misunderstanding, what has allowed you to use your body, mind, and spirit to spread a message of size-acceptance, when many others have given up the fight?

Jennifer: When I was in kindergarten I witnessed my mother being made fun of by children because of her weight. I was so angry! I think I decided at that early age to take this battle on. I continue to do it because it is ultimately more important to me than any other thing in my life. I think of the many years I didn’t dance, I didn’t have a boyfriend, I didn’t allow myself to participate fully in life and I keep going because I hope that others can see it is possible for them as well.

To learn more about Jennifer and the amazing projects in which she is involved, check out her website and join her facebook page.

{Photo Credit :: Amy Crilly}

Standing at a domineering 6 feet, 8 inches tall, Amazon Eve knows a thing or two about standing out in a crowd. As the world’s tallest model and a fitness trainer, Eve has used her unique body to make a name for herself. But does the international star still struggle with her body image or being taller than most male suitors? In this intimate interview, Eve shares with me her experience of feeling different and how she has developed a healthy relationship with her body.

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NTS:  When did you begin to feel “different”? What was it like to experience your body making you stand out from your peers?

Amazon Eve: It felt like a mutation; like that first alien they pushed out of the mother ship during Steve Spielberg’s A CLOSE ENCOUNTER.  Tall, lanky and very vulnerable–‘eat her first humans’ was the message by inference.  I was different from my peers and I could tell they noticed how tall I was.  The comments kept coming from my classmate friends to adults commenting on me being more gently, “A tall drink of water.” I now answer them with, “Because I was very thirsty,” growing up.  By the time I was 14 I was 5’11” and taller than most adults.  Given that the average adult male height is 5’9” and female is 5’4” in the United States, it was really bad in the next four years as I grew 9 inches.  The growing pains took forever to stop. It was awful and to hear the teasing and taunts from other classmates was unbearable.  I was not graceful growing up and didn’t have much elegance in my step till much later in life.

NTS: Are there body image issues that you continue to struggle with? How do you stay body-positive?

Amazon Eve: Yes I do still struggle with my height, finding something that fits is a challenge.  Not as much now and I, like any woman, feel the pressure from the mainstream girly magazines to look a certain way.  I try to ignore it all and just be happy with the body I’ve been given.  I am grateful for my body–this is my mantra. My body is a gift–if you prefer.  I exercise to make my body as fit and as is should be shaped.  I can never be a short girl, and why would I want to when I’m looking beautiful and tall. Exercise helps you get back in touch with your body, when we women can be so brutal with ourselves and our body image, exercise with realistic expectations can give you a lifetime of positive results.

NTS: As a trainer, you help other women to stop focusing on the scale and become proud of their shape.  How have you been able to do this yourself? How do you assist other women in doing so?

Amazon Eve: I try to find out why someone wants to see me as a trainer; man or woman.  I ask those that want to look better to show me a picture of their ideal shape.  By this I’m trying to see how realistic their expectations are.  If I get some skinny guy wanting to look like a huge muscled-up body builder, I have to attempt to convince them to look at something more realistic.  Same for woman with a bit of a twist; woman place more emphasis on looks and a model size rarely fits most of us.  So we do a lot of searches for role models that do fit their particular body shape and fitness goals.  For someone like me where there are few examples, I have to do a bit more soul searching and looked towards athletic woman–Gabriele Reece was a star example of mine.

When I say stop looking at the scale I‘m talking about being more aware of your shape and dimensions then on some arbitrary number that comes from a scale.  I tried to get down to a models scale weight once and it almost killed me. My relationship with food needed to stop being that abusive boyfriend or addictive relationship with certain substances that call to me.

NTS: What has your experience been like as a model? In what way has it impacted the way that you see or use your body?

Amazon Eve: My experience as a model came at exactly the right time–later than usual.  I appreciate the gifts I’ve been given more.  The once ugly duckling is now a beautiful swan.  However, it took more than words and lots of people telling me, “Why aren’t you modeling” or “Are you a model?” I had to change the meaning of why people were staring at me when I walked down the street. Myself, me, and I needed to get in greater touch with who I am.  I’m a beautiful person–not perfect.  I don’t have to be perfect or some arbitrary model size and that shows through. I believe that is why I’m where I’m at today.  When they put you on a magazine cover you can’t call yourself ugly; some men have me on their bedroom walls as a pin-up.  It took much more than that to have a continued career in modeling.  The world’s tallest model is more objective than the worlds most beautiful model.  This lends itself to a bit of built-in celebrity.  I’m very realistic about this.

NTS: What advice would you offer women who struggle with a body that in some way makes them feel different from others?

Amazon Eve: Be realistic: Physical beauty is ephemeral–short lived. What really counts is what’s inside–that sounds like an old screed.  How we talk to ourselves is very important. It’s a whole seminar with seats filled with paid ticket holders.  The November/December issue of Psychology Today that I was in had a series are articles about the Psychology of Beauty and the Battle Over Beauty; waxing a trite muse; “inner beauty is OK but it wont get you laid.”  Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.  There is no model size.  There are those men out there that like short girls that wouldn’t give me a second look, yet it’s a bit frustrating to see a super tall man (perfect for me) with a short spinner girl, but damn there is an army of Umpa-Lumpa’s sans the orange skin and green knickers that think I’m the hottest thing on the planet.   Always remember whatever size you are we all deserve love. It will probably be waiting for you around the corner in a package your are least expecting.

How would you handle losing the person who was not only the most important in your life, but who, in many ways, was your life? If you’re Kristine Carlson, you might harness your the beauty of your pain and write a moving memoir, Heartbroken Open, about the profound lessons of self that loss teaches us.

Kristine is the widow and soul mate of Richard Carlson, world-renowned teacher and author of the best-selling series, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. When Richard died unexpectedly as the two were dancing into mid-life, Kristine, a incredible writer in her own right, was left to grieve the loss of her daughters’ father, her partner and lover, and the life that she had envisioned. In this process, she wrote a beautiful account of how she moved through her grief and how she discovered herself in the process.

Below, Kristine answers some of my questions in order to help others navigate not only loss, but any type of painful and life-changing experience. Enjoy… and grow.

NTS: Tell us a bit about the person you were before the loss of your husband, Richard. What was your life life?

My life was all about being Richard’s wife and Mother to my children. I held space for him to do his spiritual work as an author and inspirational speaker, and I was “the crystal in the clock” making sure my family had everything they needed when they needed it. I had grown complacent to my own inner sense of passion, and I wasn’t feeling my life like I did after Richard died. Grief moved in and added tremendous awareness. Richard’s death woke me from my slumber; the funny thing was, I didn’t know I was asleep.

NTS: In Heartbroken Open, you take on the enormously challenging topics of loss and grief. What made you decide to write about these things from such a personal place?

Losing your spouse, the way I did so suddenly, is a devastating loss. I was blessed to have such an amazing support system but in my most primal grief, I barely felt I would survive. Richard said to me in October before he died, “Kris, what I love about the human spirit, is those people that take their greatest tragedy and allow it to move them forward, giving their lives greater meaning.” I believe he was going through a personal transformation at this point and unconsciously sensed the end of his life on the horizon. I wrote Heartbroken Open so that a real story of life, love and loss would be told uncensored. I believe that my marriage to Richard was rare, and I want to honor him and my own presence on this earth by helping others heal. It seems that any story of value must be told from authenticity, and a memoir is very personal. I answered a divine call when I wrote Heartbroken Open.

NTS: Many of us wonder how we could ever survive the loss of our spouse or someone we hold that dear to our hearts. What have you learned about your ability to survive and thrive?

The reason why Richard’s “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” book series was so popular is because those books were born from the chapters of our lives. I believe that my resiliency and strength came from living a gentle lifetime of love with a remarkable soul while practicing a healthy way through life. Any person who practices life as their spiritual journey says “yes” to all of life knowing that it holds trials and suffering along the way. We don’t always choose our circumstances (maybe on some unconscious level we do) but we can choose how we move forward. I learned to move forward, presently, invoking grace and love to help me survive. I followed a mantra: Surrender, Trust and Accept to Receive a new life. I walked into the fire of my grief and allowed it to burn me into liberation from my pain. My regrets taught me to accept what I cannot change and to ultimately let go. I can now say with a smile: I truly don’t sweat the small stuff and I have lived through the big stuff.

NTS: You speak in the book about living presently. How were you able to stay so present with your grief rather than avoiding it?

I did both. I lived with my grief and sometimes I avoided it. What I noticed quickly was that the shortest distance out of the foxhole was to be in it (grief) so that I could express it out. My body would tell me if I was avoiding it; I would have a tremendous burning in my gut. Then, I would sob and feel relief. There is no way out except going all the way in. Grief taught me presence. I lived in the now because there would be no pain there. I suppose this was my natural health stepping in to avoid pain, but what an incredible gift to practice presence for survival. I lived this way thoughtfully for much of the time. When I didn’t, I would express my emotions and return to the moment with peace.

NTS: Tell us about the process of changing your identity from wife to widow. Were there other areas of your life where you found yourself needing to change your perception of your identity?

Everything changes when your spouse dies. I was surprised to find myself dealing with issues I thought I had long left behind in my youth but they were just resting in the shadows of my relationship. Many things surfaced in my life to be healed so that I could transform to a new level of awareness. My authenticity grew as my identity died. At first, I was deeply afraid of being alone and terrified that I was now a “single” woman in mid-life. I have learned to find my way and have also accepted that I may be “single” for the rest of my life. The difference between me and many people is that I have lived the relationship of my dreams. I have survived and accepted the loss of it and found my way back to joy. My personal goal is to be complete within myself living with a greater capacity for love. This may or may not manifest in the same way or kind of relationship I had with my beloved. I trust that all will be revealed, in time, and I live life by divine lead.

NTS: On NTS we speak a great deal about staying nourished in mind, body, and spirit. How were you able to sustain and nourish yourself through the most difficult moments?

I knew not to drink alcohol, especially in the beginning, because I didn’t want to be under the influence of a depressant. I also didn’t want to use any prescription drugs that my numb me out although I did use sleep medication at times. I wanted to learn and grow because I was curious about this process of grief and how it would unfold for me. While I loathed the pain, I relished the fertile ground and the opening to my wisdom and the awakening of my spirit that this experience of loss brought with it. I hiked and I drank lots of water. I stayed flexible with my schedule often cancelling engagements so that I could grieve in stillness. I was very gentle with myself. I took baths every night and I had a professional massage every month. I committed to myself not to make any huge life changing decisions the first year. I asked for help from my family and friends when I needed it. Four years later, miraculously I haven’t been sick one time and I am the healthiest I have ever been! Go figure…you can come through your worst nightmare in greater health.

NTS: You talk about encounters you had with others trying to support you through your loss. How do you feel we can best support one another through difficult times?

The best we can offer is to hold space for grief. There is no fixing it or solving it. You can offer to assist in the stuff of life that is mundane—like food preparation, driving the kids to school or sports, and household chores. This kind of help is often very appreciated. “Listening” is probably the most important thing you can offer and the greatest gift. Sitting presently without needing to change whatever arises even when it triggers you. These are the most helpful things one person can do for anyone in grief. There is little comfort in trite expressions. Keep your advise to a minimum and you willingness to be present to the maximum, and you will be the greatest support. Create a tribe around the person in grief supporting them with the power of community. Send them to my free on-line support group (Heartbroken Open support circle) at http://www.kristinecarlson.com.

You can learn even more from Kristine in her beautiful book, Heartbroken Open. You can also connect with her via her website or by following her on twitter. Image Credit :: Kristine Carlson.