{credit K; via pinterest}

In the introduction to a several-page spread in a popular women’s magazine recently, the creative director “confesses” that he hates his arms, and how much he can relate to the body-hatred experienced by his female counterparts. While I’m always happy to see men acknowledging honestly their body image concerns, his confession was the introduction to an article on how to solve “dressing dilemmas.”

What to do when your panty hose run three minutes after walking out the door (when you’re running ten minutes late)? How to find trendy heels that won’t cause bunions? How to stop that turtleneck from itching so badly that you rip it off and hurl it across the room… at work?

These are some of the  “dilemmas” that I face, and would have been legitimately interested in learning how to “solve.” But this particular article had other issues in mind – to use their descriptions, turkey neck, spare tires, front butt, pit chub, bat wings, frump butt, and thunder thighs.

If that hasn’t sent you spinning into post-traumatic flashbacks of high school bullying, it’s probably because we’ve been so desensitized to such offensive and deprecating phrases. I was floored that these terms were used to describe any part of the female body. But I guess in the society in which we live, I shouldn’t have been.

A quick glance in the grocery line reveals all sorts of clever little phrases for women’s bodies – chub rub, side boobs, and the list goes on. What’s so frustrating about this, however, is not so much the phraseology, but the fact that the names are intricately tied to an expectation that women have flaws that need to be somehow rectified.

When did our bat wings become a problem? When someone decided it was profitable for them to be a problem. 

Bear with me here, because I realize this might sound like a foreign language.

We are not born with flaws, and we do not die with flaws. Our bodies are exactly how they are meant to be at each moment in time. There is nothing inherently wrong with our bodies. And do you know how I know that? Because they are the way they are, and that is reality.

So we long to be taller, or have bigger breasts, or smaller feet… But what we know, the only thing we know, is that this is we are the person we are supposed to be, inhabiting the body we are supposed to inhabit. Whatever explanation makes sense to you – genetics, God, destiny, a combo of all of them – the fact remains that we are who we are, with all of our uniquenesses in tow. And if that is who we are, it is who we are meant to be.

With that said, it seems that we have it all wrong when it comes to our approach to our “dressing dilemmas.” What if the clothes with which we adorn our bodies are not meant to cover “sins” or hide belly fat, but rather are meant as an expression of our creative self? What if the clothes were an extension of how we see the world? Or, if you don’t want to go that far, a way of simply keeping us comfortable in inclement weather? What if, for once, they weren’t a means of hiding these, apparently, un-namable body issues?

What if it’s the clothes that are wrong? What if it’s the corporation selling the clothes? What if it’s the magazine that advertising the quick fixes to our body blemishes? What if it’s our government for allowing manipulation and sexualization of our physical selves. What if it’s anyone or anything at all rather than our body to blame? What then?

That’s a lot of questions. They’re not meant to be answered. They’re meant to be felt. Sit with them and notice what comes up.

How do you feel? What if your body isn’t wrong?

With the race to the Republican presidential candidate nomination well under way, iPad apps and news broadcasts are blowing up with commentary on where the candidates stand on issues of the economy, national defense, and immigration. What often gets too little airtime are the issues that affect women so intimately.

It’s easy to think that politics can exist outside of our interest and awareness, that it’s the thing over there that lives only when we turn on the news. But the personal and political and inextricably linked. Women’s bodies, our choices, rights, and ability to care for them, are subject to the decisions made hundreds or thousands of miles away in Washington. Scary, huh?

That’s why it’s so crucially important to understand where the candidates stand on issues that matter, or should matter, to us. We have an opportunity now to make our voices heard, and for women to use their collective power to ensure that our interests are being addressed.

Here are some of the top issues that concern women today, and where some of the candidates stand:

[Please note that this is not my attempt to sway anyone in any particular political direction. While my biases are, I’m quite sure, evident, I hope that you will use this information as a starting point for looking deeper into the issues, the candidates, and your own values.]

Reproductive Issues

Contrary to popular belief, reproductive issues do not focus solely on the whether a woman should be legally allowed to have an abortion, which all of the GOP candidates uniformly oppose. While all of the candidates are against giving women the right to choose in all cases, some, like Mitt Romney, would grant women this right in the case of incest, rape, or severe risk to the mother’s life. Others, like Ron Paul, an obstetrician for thirty years, believe that abortion is murder in all cases and has no place in our society.

Apart from abortion, the politicians are also heavy-hitters when it comes to decisions about whether insurance plans cover birth control (which Ron Paul opposes), whether contraception should be discussed in schools (which Rick Santorum opposes), and whether pharmacists should be able to dispense emergency contraception to rape victims (which Mitt Romney opposes). As senator, Santorum voted for measures to financially penalize low-income women for having children and penalize states for children born out of wedlock. Further, the issues of reproduction come up when talking about fertility concerns as well. Newt Gingrich recently stated that he wants to more closely investigate and impose rules on clinics where in-vitro fertilization occurs, seemingly ignoring the fact that these facilities are closely monitored and regulated by state government and various health organizations.

Relationships

The right of individuals to love whom the wish is not a uniquely female issue, but it’s one that certainly touches women deeply. Despite the 2011 Gallup poll that reported 53% of Americans support the legalization of gay marriage, all of the current GOP candidates oppose this and want to narrow the definition of marriage. Some of the candidates, such as Romney, support domestic partnerships for gay couples, but do not support marriage or even civil unions, stating that marriage should be preserved for a union between a man and a woman. Santorum recently stated that even a father who “is in jail and has abandoned” his family is better at raising a child than two gay parents. Gingrich believes this is an issue of “dignity” and also supports marriage being a one man, one woman event.

Relatedly, some of the candidates believe that sexual identity should be a factor in military service, an issue that is particularly relevant to women, in fact. While female service members make up about one in five troops, they make up  almost half of those discharged for their sexual orientation. Romney is against the idea of letting gays and lesbians serve actively in the U.S. Military. And when an openly gay soldier was recently booed at a debate, none of the candidates stood up for the man in uniform.

Further, the idea of fidelity in relationships is an issue that is close to many women’s hearts. While we can never know the intimate details of the candidate’s romantic lives, we do have on record Gingrich’s multiple acts of infidelity during multiple marriages, which he openly acknowledges as mistakes. Some voters, however, feel that these acts indicate a lack of ability to make sound, ethical, and non-impulsive decisions and to respect an institution (marriage) that he proclaims to hold with such, well, dignity.

Jobs & Health Coverage

While the economic recession has hit us all hard, it’s actually hit women a little less hard, in some ways. Women are, in fact, 50 percent more likely to be employed than men, today. There are many women, however, who are working part-time because they cannot find full-time employment. The current GOP candidates are all opposed to stimulus money, though they do support certain big corporate tax breaks. That’s interesting, as almost 100 percent of new (net) jobs created in this country are by small business. Part of Santorum’s solution to fix the economy is to drill for more oil. Okay. If you think that joining the military might be the answer to your financial woes, think again if you’re a woman. Santorum stated that he believes with women in combat, emotions could get in the way. Yes, you read that right.

With the cutbacks in jobs has come the loss of employer-provided health insurance for many Americans. Many women and families cannot afford COBRA or their company has stopped providing coverage because they can’t afford it either. In fact, working women are much less likely to have health benefits than working men, and they are more likely to be working for minimum wage (on which it’s nearly impossible to buy adequate health insurance).  As the surrogate doctors in most American homes, many women are faced with excruciating decisions when it comes to the health of themselves and their families. The GOP candidates all oppose Obama’s health care plan and want to cut both state and federal funds for Medicaid (of which poor women and children are the major recipients).

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This is certainly not an exhaustive list of issues. Other important ones to consider are things like the candidate’s take on education, social security, and immigration, issues that also tend disproportionately impact women. If you care about women – yourself, your mother, sister, daughter, or friends — educate yourself before going to the polls. This year, the personal is absolutely political.

Note: Lest you think that I believe President Obama does everything right, read this.

What is your take on the GOP candidates positions on these issues? Totally disagree with me? Tell us about it!

{image credit :: bdcoen}

{image credit :: ChrisCofer}

While Kerry Washington’s history of an eating disorder may seem to make her live up to the stereotype of the young Hollywood actress, it also shatters that of the powerful black woman.

The critically acclaimed star of Ray and The Last King of Scotland has talked candidly about her struggles with her body and food. In one interview, Washington revealed the ways in which her eating disorder kept her locked into an agonizing cycle.

She recalled, “I’d eat anything and everything, Sometimes until I passed out. But then, because I had this personality that was driven toward perfectionism, I would tell people I was at the library, but instead go to the gym and exercise for hours and hours and hours.”

Washington’s sharing of the details of her battle with a food obsession is, unfortunately, a rare exception. While memoirs and media spotlights of young, white women with eating disorders are seen with increasing frequency, portrayals of black women who struggle are harder to find.

The notion of eating disorders as only affecting affluent, Caucasian women is undergoing a revolution as we recognize how these illnesses impact all sectors of society. Black women are accounting for a larger proportion of those seeking treatment for disordered eating.

Like in other diverse communities, eating disorders in black communities often go unrecognized. Marna Clowney-Robinson, an eating disorder survivor, recalled, “Within my family I don’t think they actually saw it as a eating disorder. I am one out of six siblings and we all use food as a way of coping with stresses and stressful situations that came up in our lives at the time. What I was doing was pretty much normal with my siblings. So to us it was normal behavior.”

Clowney-Robinson’s experience is unfortunately common. In black communities, food often takes on seemingly sacred qualities and is used to demonstrate a range of emotions in families. Since food is often used as a means of communicating things deeply felt, it’s easy for a disorder to develop.

In fact, a 2000 study by Ruth Striegel-Moore and her colleagues suggested that recurrent binge eating, which is part of both Bulimia Nervosa and Binge Eating Disorder, is actually more common in black women than in white women.

The lack of awareness of eating disorders in diverse populations jeopardizes the treatment of these individuals. Without recognition, research funding is extremely limited and disorders go untreated for too long. When our health care system and communities already fail to acknowledge the seriousness of these illnesses, further ignorance is deadly.

Stephanie Covington Armstrong offers a compelling look inside her own eating disorder in a memoir, Not All Black Girls Know How to Eat, that shatters the notion of the “rich, white girl disease.” She notes that the black women are underrepresented in the statistics, “Because we don’t flock to traditional therapy, we are not counted.”

Like Washington and Clowney-Robinson, Armstrong is determined to make sure that eating disorders in the black community don’t go unnoticed. She said, “It is the silence that makes this disease possible. “

Do you think that eating disorders are under-represented in some communities? How have you witnessed this?

{image credit :: nathalielaure}

If you read the title of this post and thought it might resonate with your own experience, you might be vain.

And that might be okay.

Sometimes I hear from my patients that they fear others will think that their issues with food reflect vanity – this culturally pooh-poohed quality that shrieks of indecency and immorality. It’s not just in their minds that they develop this idea, as we constantly see examples of the popular media portraying eating disorders as the silly celebrity trend de jour.

But those who know a thing or two about these issues (and I purport myself to be included in this category), eating disorders are not about vanity. They are about a whole host of things – genetics, family, culture, shame, teasing, brain chemistry, abuse, power, intimacy, to name a few – but I have yet to see an eating disorder develop because someone was vain.

For those who don’t know a whole lot about eating issues, assuming a connection between symptoms of some eating disorders – such denying one’s self food, being tied to the scale, or being preoccupied with shape – and vanity is somewhat understandable. From the outside, we see individuals with eating disorders tied up in a cycle of self-starvation in an apparent attempt to change their bodies, and so we deduce that that person must care a whole heck of a lot about the way that they look. Bam! Vanity. Right?

But when we take a closer look, when we scratch oh so gently beneath the surface, we realize that even vanity itself is misunderstood.

Vanity is defined as excessive pride in one’s qualities and abilities. But culturally, we go further and ascribe associated qualities to those we consider vain. We think of a vain person as empty, arrogant, and even heartless. But when I really think about the meaning of vanity – taking pride (okay, excessive pride) in one’s self – I’m left wondering, is vanity really all that bad?

Sure, we all know people who take self-assurance a bit overboard (ahem, Charlie Sheen, I’m looking at you…), but those individuals tend to be quite the opposite of vain when we really get down to it. While I don’t suggest to know the psychology behind every arrogant jerk who’s walked the earth, I think it’s safe to say that most are actually in a good deal of emotional pain – their egotism is masking a self that feels broken.

When it comes to the rest of us, I think we could all stand a bit more “vanity” in our lives. I can’t remember the last time I was turned off when I heard someone tell me how stellar they thought their calves are or that they are a better singer than almost anyone they know. In fact, I myself am really attracted to people who know just how much they rock it.

And when it comes to people with eating disorders, vain is usually far from the way that I would describe them. The preoccupation with weight and shape that sometimes – but certainly not always – accompanies these disorders is not a reflection of pride. Instead, it reflects a learned – and culturally supported – pattern of focusing away from what is most painful. It is a way for individuals who don’t know how to manage what is troubling to manage something that can be troubling (e.g. my butt is too big), but has a seemingly concrete solution (e.g. eat less).

Does that reflect vanity? Hardly. I think it reflects the fact that we as a culture don’t do a very good job of teaching ourselves and each other how to manage the really tough stuff, and meanwhile promote all of the other stuff – things like anti-aging creams and shapewear.

So just because you walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht (or had clouds in your coffee…) doesn’t mean you’re vain. Carly isn’t necessarily right on this one…

Do you ever worry about being vain? Do you think eating issues have to do with vanity?