Let’s all give a hardy welcome to the fantastic Charlotte Hilton Anderson, bloggess (that’s blogger and goddess combined, in case my stellar word creating abilities are not so… stellar) and author of the blog-made-book, The Great Fitness Experiment! Charlotte has been a total inspiration to me as I delved into the world of social media and blogging. She’s not only a devoted mother, enthusiastic fitness expert, and brilliant writer (seriously, if you suffer from urinary incontinence, watch out), but she’s also someone who’s been there. While it’s not the focus of the book, Charlotte talks extensively and in poignant detail about suffering from compulsive over-exercise, which for her developed into an eating disorder.

In today’s guest post, Charlotte shares with us her journey through this disorder. Please be advised that some of the details of this post may be triggering for those struggling with eating and exercise issues. Got it? Once you’ve read the post, make sure to enter the giveaway for a free copy of Charlotte’s book!

It wasn’t the runs in the dark in the middle of winter at 4 a.m and again at 10 p.m. It wasn’t leaving my son’s hospital bed to go do a high-intensity interval class instead of showering for the first time in three days or sleep. It wasn’t when I fainted after running a marathon followed by an hour of kickboxing – can’t miss a workout! – without drinking or eating anything and then being carried down the gym stairs by a friend who tried to make me drink a Vitamin Water which I refused because it had 50 calories. It wasn’t even when my heart started doing this weird sick jumping in my chest and I briefly wondered if I was going to die on the floor in front of my young children.

No, the thing that made me finally take a break from exercising was when I gained ten pounds in one month because all my over-training (fancy codeword for compulsive over-exercise) had suppressed my thyroid. Those 10 pounds completely unhinged me. That is how deeply ill I was.

I know how it began. Right after my third child was born, still reeling from the trauma of the protracted court case against the ex-boyfriend who had sexually assaulted me (and many others), I was looking for a way to heal myself. All of my guilt, pain, self-doubt, fear and anger found a focus in my goal of “losing the baby weight.” To tell you the truth I didn’t gain much during the pregnancy- I was too depressed and anxious to eat – but I still had a few lingering pounds and thighs that I hated and a tummy that looked like an uncooked bagel. So I took up exercise. Exercise can be a fantastic way to deal with emotional stuff but when you’re using it to run away from (literally!) rather than work through your problems, you will never be able to run fast enough or far enough to fix yourself.

Unchained from rational thought, the exercise took on a life of its own, slowly growing until after my 4th baby was born I was totally addicted to it. Exercise became my #1 priority. Everything else in my day was organized around my workouts. I never rested, never took days off. I was always trying to sneak in more exercise by doing everything from endless fidgeting to refusing to sit down to making myself do push-ups every time I had to get up with a baby in the night. In addition I was also heavily restricting my food. I became a vegetarian and then a vegan and then a vegan who didn’t do grains or soy until I finally ended up with a safe list of 5 foods and that was it. I remember people telling me then how skinny I was – some with concern, others with envy – but I didn’t see it. I still thought I looked fat. Moreover, I didn’t really care anymore. Fat, thin, whatever – all I wanted was my next high.

If I wasn’t exercising I was consumed with anxiety about my next workout (Would the baby get sick and make me miss the gym? What if the car doesn’t start? What if they cancel my class? What if my husband doesn’t get home on time?). Anxiety that would get so intense I’d be shaking, heart racing. The only way to calm myself was to workout. And I’d feel really awesome as long as I was exercising – it was the only time of day I felt good about myself – but no sooner had the sweat had dried but the whole cycle started over again. It was all I thought about.

So when did I finally realize I had a problem with exercising too much? People ask me a lot of questions about my very public battle with exercise addiction – I blogged through the whole saga – but this is one I still don’t have an answer for. The thing is, I never did know. It took my family stepping in – my sister saying she’s worried about me, my friends forcing me to leave the gym, my readers e-mailing me their concern, my doctor threatening me with death, my husband literally taking away my keys and my shoes so that I couldn’t leave to exercise. It took them lovingly but firmly telling me that I needed to get treatment for my eating disorder. Even then I told my therapist I was fine. I refused to talk to the nutritionist beyond the initial required visit because I didn’t think my disorder had anything to do with food. Turns out, I learned later, no eating disorder is really about the food.

After nearly a year of treatment and the worst of it being two years in the past, I can finally see it for the pernicious disease that it was. There is a certain inherent denial that is part of every eating disorder but I think that compulsive over-exercise is unique in that the denial is sanctioned by society. Anorexics are often told to their face that they’re too skinny and overly thin models and actresses are dissected all over the internet, even while they are perversely praised and idolized. Bulimics with their overabundance of bodily fluids are gross-out spectacles or punchlines. Binge eaters are either woefully ignored or publicly taunted. (All of which are completely unkind and inhumane ways to treat eating disorder sufferers.) But over exercising ends up being the eating disorder everyone wishes they had.

“I wish I had your discipline!” “You’re so strong!” and even “You’re an inspiration!” People often mistook my manic exercise for passion – and don’t get me wrong, I am definitely passionate about fitness! – but my punishing 2-a-day workouts, sometimes adding up to 6 or more hours per day, were based off of one thing: fear. And that’s the main difference between an athlete and an exercise addict: the former exercises out of love for her sport while the latter exercises for fear of what happens if she doesn’t.

I’m not going to lie to you – I’m not perfectly recovered, there are many days I still walk that line between obsession and passion and those voices of never being enough still scream in my head more often than I’d like but now I have a system set up to check me. I build in breaks and rest periods into my Experiment schedules. I also seek feedback from my friends, family and readers and really listen to them if they are concerned. And sometimes I just grit my teeth and try to breathe deeply until the scary feelings pass. But whatever I have to do is worth it because I refuse to leave an eating disorder as my legacy to my kids.

If you think you are an exercise addict, know that it can kill you and it will not get better on its own. And then know that you are not alone in your fears and that there is help. Getting this message out there is one of the main reasons I wrote my book and I’m so grateful to Ashley for helping me do that!

_________________________________________________________________________________________

GIVEAWAY!

For a chance to win a copy of Charlotte’s book, leave a comment answering, “Where do you draw the line between passion and obsession?” OR simply share your reactions to Charlotte’s experience. For additional chances to win, tweet about this post and leave a comment telling me you did! All entries are due by midnight on Sunday, January 30th.

{Image Credit :: Charlotte Hilton Anderson}

As those of you who have been following NTS for a while hopefully know, I’ve spent the last several months in training for a race to support Girls on the Run, my absolute favorite organization to date. In case you’re not yet part of the cool club, check out my post on the GOTR organization or my guest post on Healthy Tipping Point to learn more about why you should become involved with helping girls succeed too.

I actually had the wonderful fortune to have lunch with two of the staff of the Cincinnati chapter of Girls on the Run recently. Erin and Mary were absolutely fabulous and shared with us (yes, I dragged Justin along – and he earned a new name – Husband on the Run!) about the mission and day-to-day operation of this organization. Did you know that every single girl that participates in this chapter gets a brand new pair of New Balance shoes, so that no girl is without proper footwear and no girl has to be singled out? Can you imagine?! The enormity of this part of the program (which is only a tiny part, mind you) made me literally tear up. GOTR is what dreams are made of…

But back to training.

Despite my newfound passion for GOTR, my training has not been all sunshine and cherry pies. It’s been tough, rough work. Which I suppose is what training for something is all about – pushing yourself harder and further than you thought you could. I’ve seen progress in my running that is still incredible to me, thanks to the support of a good friend (i.e. coach), a commitment to a good cause, and maybe a dash of my own perfectionism.

I’ve also seen progress because I’ve taken rest seriously and I haven’t pushed myself farther than I should go.

According to Jack Raglin of Indiana University’s department of kinesiology (that’s the science of human movement, says Wikipedia), approximately 10% of endurance athletes train too hard. Others estimate this number to be much higher, citing that most athletes are actually over-trained and chronically injured. The obvious risk is injury and becoming sidelined (potentially permanently) from the entire event. A recent Wall Street Journal article cited that 25% of people who sign up for marathons don’t make it to the start line. (I’m doubting their cars ALL broke down.) Having once been forced to give up marathon dreams due to pushing myself too hard, too fast, I’m a firm believer in the power of rest.

Animals like my cat have absolutely no problem with this idea. So why do we?

While you may think that pushing yourself to new heights requires daily grueling work-outs, quite the opposite is true. The body needs (and longs for) rest days in order to repair and strengthen muscles and replenish your energy stores. In fact, the recovery period is when the real effects of the training occur (a bit counterintuitive, I realize…).

Overtraining is a serious liability. Besides the risk of muscle and joint damage, training too hard can cause exhaustion, an eating disorder, depression, and decreased performance. And who in the world, after months of giving it your all, wants to wind up tired, sad, and in a brace? Not this girl.

Experts (like Lyle McDonald at Bodyrecomposition) recommend that those who are exercising intensely get both active rest and passive rest. Active rest refers to doing something physical or training related, but usually for a shorter period and at less intensity. This is all based on what you typically do, but if you’re a runner, you might actively rest by doing a short jog at pace significantly slower than you would on a training day. Or cross-train to give the muscles you’re normally using a break.

Passive rest is just like it sounds. Plant your butt on the couch and read a book. Or watch t.v. Or read Nourishing the Soul. Just don’t do jumping jacks or cycle fifty miles. Your body needs at least one day completely off per week. Having training-free days is vital to ensuring your muscles stay strong and you don’t get a divorce. Plus, when else are you going to catch up on Project Runway?

Another form of rest that some experts recommend is taking a more extended rest once in a while. Does the thought of taking a week completely off make you cringe? Probably all the more reason you should. If you worry that there’s no way you could meet your goals by taking extended time off, consider Deana Kastor, the Chicago and London marathon champ. She takes two months off from running a year. This isn’t to say she sits around eating Oreos during the breaks, but she stops running. Studies indicate that taking a week off does not result in significant losses of aerobic fitness or strength.

It’s all about… wait for it… listening to your body. Seriously, people. How often do I have to say this!? It’s amazing how the human body really has all the answers. If your body is craving rest or more sleep, respect your own wisdom and comply.

Have you over over-trained and gotten injured? How adept are you at listening to your body’s signals for rest?

So, I may or may not still have a subscription to Glamour magazine. I say this with hesitation because I’m not 100% sure that reading a “Women’s Interest” magazine fits well with my feminista/body-image-warrior persona or my research on media literacy. But then again, maybe it does. I do have to be “in the know” in order to comment on it for all of you, right? Okay, okay… so I really just like the tips on how to apply eyeliner in a non-raccoon-like fashion and how to tell your boss you need a day off for menstrual cramps. But, hey, it’s OK!

In fact, the “Hey, it’s OK!” section of Glamour is the page that I jump to when I pick up my own copy (good seque, huh?). Besides usually being hilarious and spot-on, I relish the idea behind this feature. It’s all about self-forgiveness (albeit in a light-hearted manner) and taking it easy on yourself. It takes those things that we don’t want to admit to even our closest friend (i.e. that you did in fact return that little pink dress to the store… after wearing it to the wedding last weekend) or to ourselves (i.e. that you in fact prefer to stay in and do your taxes than have to face all those strangers at the BBQ) and validates the heck out of them. It’s so easy to fall into the comparison trap – whether comparing ourselves to others or to our own (unrealistic) standards – and sometimes it takes someone else stepping in to remind us that it really is okay.

So, in honor making amends with ourselves, I have developed my own little list of OKs. Here goes:

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Hey, it’s OK if…

…You show up to the book club meeting not having read the book, but freely partake in the wine that is offered.

…You exercise daily but still can’t say you enjoy the feeling of being exhausted and sweaty.

…When you had to cut down on your magazine subscriptions you eliminated Cooking Light and Women’s Heath and kept US Weekly.

…You’d rather live in Cincinnati, Ohio than New York City because crowds, $15 cocktails, and high fashion are just not for you.

…Your favorite part of camping is the s’mores.

…You’re still waiting for that illusive “runner’s high” to kick in.

…You switch from NPR’s analysis of the latest in the Gaza Strip to the new Rhianna song.

…You secretly revel in the fact that your partner gets a teensy bit jealous by the person hitting on you at the gas station.

…You’d rather give up one of your kidneys than miss the American Idol finale.

…Nothing will satisfy your craving like… yes, I’ll say it… McDonalds. (Love this post by Tina on this!)

…Your wedding ring is the trendiest piece of jewelry you own.

…You get your groceries at ShopRite because you can’t justify spending $2 extra for a container of strawberries at Whole Foods.

…You bought the cutest pair of yoga pants but can’t imagine getting into a Downward Dog. (You will, however, do the Lounge on the Couch beautifully)

…You’ve gotten in shape, developed your strengths, gone to therapy, and still have bad body image days.

…You once in a while scarf down that Moosetracks ice cream a little less mindfully than you wanted to.

…You are the sole breadwinner for your family. And hate it.

…You’re independently-minded, you’re involved in your community, you have amazing friends… but you’d still like a snuggle buddy on Sunday nights.

…You move across the country (or across the city) and insist on talking to your mom at least one time per day. Or two.

…You’re tired of guys staring at your chest when they talk to you. But you wouldn’t mind if your husband did it once in a while.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

I realized that I could go on and on, but I’d much rather to hear your ideas and get the ball rolling on taking it easy on ourselves. So finish it!

It’s OK if…

I can remember all too vividly being in the fifth grade and having to complete the Presidential Fitness Test during gym class. While the entire test was challenging for me, a nerdy kid who devoured novels and Hostess cakes and stayed far away from competitive sports, the one-mile run incited the most panic. I remember lying in bed the night before the test, terrified and feeling certain that I could not complete the run. I’d like to tell you that the reality disconfirmed my irrational fears, but indeed I could not finish. I hated running. And, in many ways, I hated myself.

Flash forward to 2010. I have now been running nearly daily for about three and a half years, slowly (sometimes very slowly) improving my stamina, speed, and, most importantly, confidence. I began running after meeting my husband and observing his dedication to something that I had always seen as, well, pointless (You’re running? Running from what??). I got curious, and maybe slightly competitive, and eventually started training for a marathon. As the story goes, I got hooked. Interestingly, I still find it difficult to consider myself a “real runner,” as if that is an identity I have yet to earn (haven’t totally abandoned my story here). I’m working on overcoming that hump, but in the meantime, I thought I would share with you some of the life lessons that running has taught me.

1. Map your course – but be flexible.

Being female, relatively petite, and borderline OCD, I find it imperative to map my running course prior to heading out. I want to feel secure in where I’m going and what I might run into. However, the best laid plans… Well, you know the rest. Inevitably, there are mornings when I come to find that the road has been blocked off due to construction or wildlife has overtaken my path (seriously, last week I was diverted by what had to be 500 geese…) This is where the gift of flexibility, something I have to work on daily, becomes essential. Last minute changes are a part of life – anyone who’s planned a wedding or has a child knows this well – and learning to accept and adapt is the only way to get out alive – and relatively sane.

2. You can often go further than you thought you could.

I’ve always been a person to hold myself to high standards, but running has allowed me to see just how far I can push myself in a totally new realm. There are so many days when the sun has barely hit the horizon, my alarm is screaming at me to get out of bed, my body aches from the day before, and I think to myself, “I just can’t do this today.” Despite my negative self-talk, I usually get myself up, splash some water on my face, and can get out the door. If I get that far, I can usually finish my run. It’s all about that first step. Then the next step. And the next. Putting one foot in front of the other, literally and figuratively, and I suddenly realize that I have gone so much farther than I had ever realized I could. For me, it helps to have landmarks (the next light post or the next mile marker) and to focus only on what’s in front of me in the moment. After all, this moment is all that we really have

3. Bringing a buddy along makes it so much better.

We all hopefully realize the importance of a strong social network, but the impact is so illuminated with running. Training for the Columbus Half-Marathon in 2007, I had a partner in crime, my good friend, Shannon. While we didn’t run together every day, when we did, it instantly became easier. Of course there was the benefit of juicy gossip and accountability, but more importantly, I believe, was the feeling of just not being alone. I knew that whatever happened, Shannon was beside me. I knew that as much pain as I was feeling crawling up that hill at mile eleven, she was feeling it too. Friends are vital. Nourish those relationships.

4. Take it all in.

As I was heading out on one recent morning, I realized to my dismay that my iPod was completely dead. I quite literally wanted to cry. How can I possibly run without Fergie singing me on, I panicked. But time was ticking and, not wanting to be late for work, I headed out sans tunes. What I learned on this particular run was that I’d been missing a whole lot by getting caught up in Madonna lyrics. When I started looking around, I discovered shops I had never noticed on Main Street, a nest with stunning cardinals resting, and encouraging smiles from strangers. I focused on taking in the brightness of the colors, the timbre of the sounds, the sensations in my body. It was an exercise in mindfulness, and I didn’t even have to sit still!

5. Hydrate!

I’m not even going to try to connect this one to a deeper life lesson. It is direct, and it is important! DON’T FORGET TO HYDRATE! In the midst of the hottest summer that I can personally recall, getting enough water has been a big focus and sometimes challenge. Not drinking enough water (or G2, etc.) can lead to dizziness, lightheadedness, confusion, and ultimately even brain damage or death (not to be an alarmist…). Pay attention to your body and carry water with you everywhere you go. As they say, your body will thank you.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Don’t forget to become a fan on facebook!