{image credit :: inf3ktion}

With half of second grade under my belt, I sauntered up to my mother, who was undoubtedly weary from dealing with the likes of me, and told her that I’d had enough.

“Enough of what, honey?” she asked, with just the right hint of interest to mask her involvement in her novel.

“Enough of all the boys winning on t.v.!” I said incredulously. I then went on to detail how all of the television commercials for board games featured the little boy of the group shaking his hands above his head in victory as the other children looked on in admiration. What I didn’t even realize at the time was that not only were the girls being left to be wallflowers, but the African American and Latino/a children weren’t even invited to the party.

So at the ripe age of six, I decided to write a letter to several of the board game companies who engaged in this boy-take-all practice. Milton Bradley, Hasbro, and all of the big game-makers received my pre-pubescent wrath. And when I saw a commercials airing years later that featured the blond darling girl as the champion, I felt victorious myself (I had given up on seeing someone who looked like me as the starlet).

Whether or not my second grade letter writing campaign produced a societal shift in advertising practices, we’ll never know (though I like to think so!). But what I do know is that the passion summoned to make my little voice heard was borne out of a decision that I’d had quite enough – enough bias, enough injustice, enough lack of progress in gender equality.

I might not have had the words to articulate what I knew, but I was quite certain when enough was enough. I think that we all know – somewhat inherently – when what we encounter just doesn’t feel right anymore. When we’ve reached our limit of tolerance and we just can’t take sitting back and observing.

I’m not generally an angry person, but I am a passionate person. And just like I felt as a young girl, I often find myself fed up with society. Here are some things that recently have made me want to shout, “Okay already, I’ve had enough!”

People being discriminated against due to the body shape or size.

Reality shows that promote distorted values.

Bashing parents for mental illness.

Writers being rude.

The sexualization and objectification of little girls.

Magazines offering quick (dangerous) fixes.

Companies making light of disordered eating.

Not being allowed to be sad.

And so much more…

So what do I do when I’ve had enough? Getting angry isn’t enough. So, sometimes I still write letters. I also blog as a means of sharing my perspective and generating new perspectives. I seek out the wisdom of others. I discuss and debate. I donate and urge others to do so.

What has made you say “Enough!” recently? How do you direct your frustration toward changing the world?

This post was written as part of the Self-Discovery, Word by Word series. To take part and share your thoughts on what ENOUGH means to you, head on over for details from this month’s incredible host, Miss Mary Max.

{photo credit :: lady madonna}

Had you asked me a couple of years ago whether I thought the internet was a vehicle for recovery, I likely would have laughed (and not an “Of course!” kind of laugh). Like many mental health professionals, I had learned to be leery of this mysterious entity that existed outside of the safety of our walls.

The little that I knew revolved around the dangerous and provocative world of pro-ana and pro-mia websites. And my understanding of the internet’s potential in promoting health was limited to WedMD and Wikipedia. Yikes.

It’s sad to think about just how much I was missing! As I started my own blog and began to dig into the multiple layers of the online world, I quickly discovered just what a powerful tool social media could be for those in recovery.

Really, it makes perfect sense. Blogging about one’s journey is similar to keeping a journal – a practice I highly recommend to nearly all of my patients – and sharing it with a community that can give heartfelt feedback and support (I know it’s not all rainbows and daisies, however – read on for more on that!). And we now recognize the power that writing about our experiences can have.

Dr. James Pennebaker knows this well. He’s spent the many years of his life researching the power of the pen – or the keyboard. In numerous studies, Pennebaker has demonstrated that writing about our experiences is healing – and not just in a subjective, “I feel free!” sense, but in very real and measurable ways.

Pennebaker has found that focused writing has helped individuals with issues varying from terminal illness to life transitions. The people in his studies that engaged in meaningful writing came down with fewer illnesses, needed less medical care, had less depression, and reported having better work performance.

And how is that possible, you wonder? Part of the reason that blogging can be so powerful is that it combats the isolation and secrecy in which many of our diseases and difficulties breed. As I’ve said before, we’re as sick as our secrets, and thus emerging from this seclusion can be incredible healing.

But if you’re thinking about starting a blog as a means of promoting your development or recovery, there a several things to keep in mind as you get started. Here are a few of them:

• Create meaning when you can. Besides pulling us out of isolation, blogging – like writing itself – can be powerful by helping us to make sense of events and experiences that can feel like they have no reason or meaning. In Pennebaker’s studies, he encouraged participants to not just write, but to explore the thoughts and emotions surrounding the events. He wanted participants to tie things together for themselves, part of a practice we sometimes call meaning-making, and found that those who did benefited the most.
• Be willing to change your tune. Sometimes the public nature and finality of hitting publish can feel like a major commitment. We can start to feel like putting a feeling, an idea, or a promise out there into cyberspace means that we have to continue down that path as far as it will take us. However, it’s important to have the flexibility to be wrong. Just because you once said that distracting yourself with Sudoku was the key to freeing yourself from emotional eating doesn’t mean that you can’t change your mind later on. To me, the best blogs are authentic ones.
• Only share as much as you are comfortable. Just because you started a blog and have a devoted following of readers doesn’t mean that you owe anyone more than you’re ready to share. Some individuals use blogs as a means of holding themselves accountable (such as when the lapse into a behavior they were working on avoiding). While this can be okay in some cases, it can also walk a line of  making individuals feel shameful and exposed. You need to take stock of how sharing your slip-ups makes you feel.
• Talk about it! If you’re not sure how all this sharing makes you feel, start talking! While writing and surfing (the net) are fabulous, it’s important to also be communicating with real, live human beings too. Make sure you’re bouncing ideas and feelings off your friends, family, or therapist. And if blogging about your journey is bring you down, it may be time to step away from the mouse.

For more tips, or to learn how to be a healthy reader of recovery blogs, check out my guidelines.

Has blogging or writing helped you in your recovery?

“The body is meant to be seen, not all covered up.” – Marilyn Monroe

{image credit :: joshua mellin}

Walking down the street to my office the other morning, I was more than a little surprised to see a 22,000 pound buxom beauty staring me down. To be honest, she was staring far above me, standing over 26 feet high with her iconic dress shading onlookers like the tree of life.

The immortalized woman in question is Marylin Monroe, or at least a statue of the beloved starlet. Recently unveiled in Chicago, the steel and aluminum piece overlooks the bustling street below with that coy smile made famous by the 1955 film, The Seven Year Itch.

I might have been the only one to catch the irony, but I found it interesting that the woman that body image advocates have long pointed to as the exemplar of curvaceous womanhood was now overtaking Michigan Avenue like Godzilla.

Pointing out Marilyn Monroe’s dress size and weight has long been a body image warrior’s battle cry. Reportedly between a size 12 and 14, Monroe is frequently referenced when we talk about the evils of the media and the increasingly unrealistic standard of beauty in our society.

“But did you know that Marilyn was a Size 14?” we say, incredulously. “If she were alive today, she would be considered fat!”  And then we puff out our chests and raise our eyebrows expectantly, hoping these facts will knock some sense into the masses that we think are deluded by the Kate Mosses and Calista Flockharts of our day (Okay, so I clearly need a bit of celebrity updating. Miranda Kerr, perhaps?).

Don’t get me wrong, I certainly recognize just how distorted our perception of thin has become. And pointing to Monroe’s slightly larger frame can give an attention-grabbing reason to think twice about our cultural norms.

But what if history was wrong? Does our argument fall apart?

For better or worse, Monroe likely wasn’t a Size 12 or 14 or 16 – at least not by today’s sizing. In a witty piece on NPR, writer Jessica Siegel (who wears a 12) tried on a Marilyn original dress… and couldn’t zip it up. There was apparently over a six inch gap.

So if Monroe wasn’t a Size 12 – if we can’t point to a beauty icon to show how these standards have changed – where does that leave us?

Ironically, maybe it leaves us in a better place than where we started. I’m not so sure that using a sixty-plus year old statistic about another woman’s dress size really helps the cause of creating our own body size appreciation.

What I’ve found is that while facts like this one are interesting, they rely a bit too much on our left brains. They make sense, we nod our heads in agreement, but don’t change much about how we feel about ourselves – at least not substantially. Attention grabbing? Yes. Life altering? Not so much.

And maybe the point is not to be life-altering, but rather to remind us that cultural ideals do shift and change, and thus enslaving ourselves to them is a futile effort. Even more interesting, in my opinion, is learning about the way that Monroe’s own body changed in the course of her life. According to historians, her weight fluctuated by about 20% in her adult life – not a huge amount, but enough that it made a difference on her 5’5 frame. And through that Monroe remained poised and confident, proud of her beautiful curves.

So perhaps Monroe’s Size 16 doesn’t hold water anymore, but there’s still plenty that we can learn from the bombshell. One of my favorites? ”I want to grow old without facelifts. I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face I have made.” Now that is truth.

Do you think the Marilyn myth keeps us too focused on others? Has is helped you in feeling better about your body?

Dear Glamour Editors,

I am writing to bring to your attention an issue in which you are certainly not alone. In your July issue, you included a short piece titled, “Stop the Wrinklexia!,” yielding to a disturbing trend of “exia”-ing issues with which individuals struggle.

In this particular piece, you were highlighting the recent uptick in anti-aging injections, which you suggested indicated a unhealthy focus on the status of our skin. You defined “wrinklexia” as “obsessing over the the fine lines of aging before you’re actually aging.”

As a body image advocate and a woman, I truly appreciate the inclusion of articles like this one in your magazine. As I have mentioned several times on my blog, I believe that magazines such as yours have incredible, and often untapped, power to foster positive change in the way that individuals perceive their beauty and sense of themselves. Bringing to light issues of the unnecessary increase in cosmetic procedures is one such way of doing this, and for that I applaud you.

As an eating disorder specialist, however, I am disappointed to see your magazine sharing in the disheartening trend of labeling obsessions and dangerous practices with the suffix “exia.” Your article comes on the heels of the recently dubbed “drunkorexia,” which reportedly refers to the trend of self-imposed starvation combined with alcohol abuse. “Pregorexia” is another distressing example, and refers to to preoccupation with controlling one’s weight while pregnant.

These terms obviously garner their meaning from their parent word, anorexia, which refers to the psychiatric and medical disorder, anorexia nervosa. (Though commonly misused, “orexia” derives from a Greek word which means “appetite.”) While using this clever wordplay might draw the attention of readers and even speak to the level of distress caused by these practices, what is also does is diminish the significance of this very real psychiatric diagnosis.

Eating disorders, including anorexia, affect over eleven million individuals in the United States alone, and can be absolutely devastating to individuals and their loved ones. In fact, eating disorders kills more individuals each year than all other mental illnesses. These brain-based diseases can wreck havoc on the minds and bodies of those suffering with them, and yet unfortunately they continue be regarded with less seriousness than other illnesses, as shown by the lack of equal treatment and insurance coverage.

When popular media trivializes eating disorders by labeling recent trends with the same terminology, individuals with eating disorders suffer. We have a large body of evidence suggesting that words are powerful in shaping beliefs and values, and so is the media. Terms such as “manorexia” or “wrinklexia” serve to desensitize us to the seriousness of the very real illnesses from which these labels derive. Simply stated, eating disorders deserve to be regarded with the utmost gravity.

Thus, while I commend your attention to issues of body image and unhealthy practices, I encourage you to reconsider the language in which you frame these issues. By doing so, you will be speaking out for the unnamed and countless number of women who read your magazine and suffer from anorexia.

____________________________________________________________

With kind regards,

Ashley Solomon, Psy.D