As my belly has expanded over the past nine months, I’ve experienced total wonderment looking at my changing body. Apparently, I’m not the only one.

Pregnancy has brought with it an attention that I never would have imagined. With pregnancy, I’ve learned, everyone feels particularly compelled to comment on your  physical state. Let it be known that I’m not complaining about this – I just find it fascinating. In a culture that tends to be so uncomfortable with the idea of weight gain and so quick to bash the belly, pregnancy is a totally different story.

If I added up the number of times I’ve been told I look “cute” in the past week, it would certainly be larger the sum total of the times I’ve been told that across the course of my life. Meanwhile, while I adore the experience of pregnancy, as a full term pregnant woman, I can’t say I always feel cute (though sometimes I certainly do!).

While my inclination at times is to tell the complimenter how I really feel (be it swollen, icky, sore, etc.), I’ve been using this experience to master the art of accepting a compliment. It’s not always easy, but I’ve learned that rejecting someone’s expression of praise hurts the person, me, and the relationship. Who wants to be told their wrong (directly or indirectly) when trying to be nice?

I’ve come up with the following tips for accepting a compliment, and they’ve made the art of graciousness much easier.

1. Say, ”Thank you.” Then stop. That’s it. With accepting compliments, less is often more. This is particularly useful when you have a strong urge to negate what the person has just said.

2. Say, “Wow, aren’t you kind! I appreciate that.” This response expresses three things, all of which help in further developing a relationship. It accepts the compliment. It reciprocates the compliment (telling the person they are kind). And it communicates how you feel to receive it (appreciative).

3. Practice with people close to you. Sometimes it’s easier to challenge yourself to accept compliments from those close to you, before moving on to the cashier at the pharmacy or your c0-worker. Let your family or close friends know that you’re working on accepting compliments so that they can call you out when you slip (or, hopefully, praise you further when succeed!).

4. Clue the person in to the details. If someone says that she loves your belt, spread the love by telling her about the great thrift store in your neighborhood where you picked it up. If someone compliments how you incorporated humor in the presentation you just gave, let him know how you were inspired by a particularly great speaker you saw last year. This kind of response helps establish a nice connection.

5. Respond by saying, “That makes me feel _______.” Possible emotions could be appreciated, understood, happy, honored, touched,  and so on. Letting the person know how their words made you feel will make them feel better. And who doesn’t love that kind of feel-good loop!

6. Acknowledge others if appropriate. If other people were involved in what you are getting praised for, share that! First, thank the person, and then clue them in to who helped out. For example, “I really appreciate you saying that! I worked hard, and I also couldn’t have done it without my team.”

7. Practice in the mirror. Cheesy? Totally. Useful? Totally again. Some people I’ve worked with didn’t realize that they actually cringe when given a compliment until they started watching their own reactions in a mirror. Once they were more aware, practicing their responses while having to face themselves only made them that much more comfortable.

8. Compliment the other person. But don’t overdo it. It’s great to turn the love around, but just make sure you’re not doing it at your own expense or being over the top. Do not respond with a comparison (e.g. “Thanks for saying you like my haircut, but yours is honestly so much cuter!”). It diminishes their compliment (it’s almost a way of one-upping, actually) and makes you look uncomfortable and potentially ungrateful.

9. Say, “It’s great to hear that because I respect you so much.” When it’s appropriate, and true, this is a great response. It offers a reciprocal compliment, but doesn’t negate what the person is saying nor take the focus off of you.

10. Focus on the body language. Accepting a compliment doesn’t stop at the words — body language is especially important too. Notice your stance and facial expressions when you receive praise. If you’re crossing your arms, folding yourself smaller, looking down, or (please no!) rolling your eyes, your body is not accepting the compliment, even if you’re mouth is.

What is it like for you to accept compliments? What other tips can you share?

{image via pinterest} 

We all need someone to believe in us.

It sounds like a line from a sappy ballad, but it makes the sentiment no less true.

Studies of people who overcome difficult circumstances point time and time again to the crucial nature of social support. This means that people who are the most successful at making positive changes and surviving challenges are the ones who can identify a positive support network around them.

It’s true from people dealing with depression to death of a partner to cancer to eating disorders to infertility to divorce. These troubling events and conditions can bring a person to his or her knees, but can be overcome, research tells us, if a person is supported. In fact, we can thrive and grow from these experiences if the right conditions are in place.

What’s so interesting though is that many of these studies are actually looking at a construct called perceived social support. This is distinct from received social support in that the people in the studies are being asked how supported they feel, rather than researchers actually assessing how much support they are getting regularly.This is an important distinction because it turns out the many of the positive effects of social support can be garnered just from believing yourself to be supported, regardless of whether someone is actually wiping away your tears. Maybe an imaginary shoulder is as sturdy to lean on as a real one?

This isn’t to say that we can all live in fantasy land and forgo our efforts at building a tangible support network. But it does suggest that creating a feeling of support around us could potentially be within our control – even when it seems other people aren’t.

One way of doing this is to — and don’t laugh — build your dream team of social support. And I mean DREAM!

In a recent article in O Magazine, life coach Martha Beck mentioned that when she needed positive voices to infuse all the negative chatter in your brain, she first turned to famous people she admired, like a 2500-year-old Chinese philospopher. Eventually, she was able to identify people she knew personally; in the meantime, however, her old philosopher helped to defeat her inner critic.

In the same way, we can create start with our own fictional – but no less real, in terms of benefit – support group. Mine would include people like Maya Angelou, Jonathan Safran Foer, and Ellen DeGeneres. When we’re feeling hopeless, helpless, and insecure, we can take a virtual trip to our support group and garner what we need. Maybe it’s inspiration, maybe it’s information, or maybe it’s a good laugh. Think about what you need from others when you’re struggling. Who do you admire that can give that to you even when no one’s around.

If I’m having trouble visualizing how my imaginary support group might respond to my situation, I might need to bring them to life – whether that’s through their books, movies, or interviews, or it’s by doing something to connect with their wisdom, like writing a letter.

It might sound silly, but the ultimate goal of support systems – real or imagined – is to internalize the sense of confidence that they inspire. Whether this comes from Oscar the Grouch or your friend Sheryl might not matter.

Who would you elect to your dream team support group and why?

{image credit :: roots of she}

Sure, you were apprehensive. But after careful consultation with your mom and your therapist, you decided that taking that job in New York was a no-brainer. It was a step up the career ladder, and you’d always pictured meeting your longtime lover when you crashed into each other jogging in Central Park. Making friends, you assumed, would be easy in a city of over eight million people. Right?

Between bad things (like the economy) and good ones (like more career advancement for women), many of us are hard-pressed not to move at some point for a job. Then, of course, there are those who seem to have found the perfect house, spouse, and 401k without leaving their favorite backyard. But those people are jerks.

Then there are those who suffer from perpetual wanderlust, or need to get out of dodge for others reasons, like a nasty break-up in a town of 216 people or a super embarrassing night out at the most popular bar in the city. Whatever the reason, people today are more likely than ever to relocate. And unless your social network stretches, well, across the globe, it’s likely that means you’re in the position of finding new friends later in life.

We all know that the prime friend-establishing time tends to be high-school and college. It’s scientifically proven, in fact, due to the close proximity, the repeated, unplanned exposure, and settings in which people let their guards down (way down, in some cases). But if school is a distant memory and the average age at your new job is somewhere around retirement, how do you avoid watching Home Alone on a Saturday night (not that there’s anything wrong with that)?

1. It’s a standard answer these days, but Meetup.com is genius, really. The website allows you to search for or create a group that fits your interests. There’s the usual book clubs, singles groups, hiking clubs, and Mommy and Me playdates, but there are also some really interesting and unusual opportunities, like groups for learning Mandarin, or vegan cooking, or making paper dolls. Why not learn something and meet like-minded friends?
2. I know it can sound strange, but ask others to set you up. Once you’ve established some kind of connection – even if it’s just with Joyce in HR – start dropping not-so-subtle hints that you are interested in meeting friends in your new locale. You’d be amazed how many people will hear your interest and be excited to introduce you to their niece who also loves yoga and has a monthly BYOB night with her girlfriends. Why, yes, you would love to join!
3. Maybe it goes without saying, but you don’t meet people by taking a bath and watching Weeds on Friday nights. Unless, well, okay that’s just weird… You have to put yourself in social situations. Even if you don’t have a companion, get out there. Go to the art exhibit or take your book to the beach. Even if you don’t meet anyone, at least you’ll be making yourself more interesting.
4. Start accepting every invitation, even if you think no one you would connect with might be there. If you suck at softball, go ahead and tell your co-worker you’ll come along to the Tuesday night game anyway. Worst case scenario? You sit on the bench and tell stories about the black eye you got in fifth grade.
5. Again, this involves a bit of gusto, but I say introduce yourself at (almost) every turn. Easier said than done, but whenever someone unexpectedly introduces themselves to me – whether on the train, at an art reception, or in line for the bathroom – I’m always super impressed and find myself wanting to get to know them. Preferably, a casual conversation would have first taken place. And instead of letting the moment be the last (if it seems like someone you could connect with), tack on that you’re Hannah.
6. Perhaps the most important piece of advice is this: be someone that people want to be friends with. Obviously if you’re life becomes consumed with seeking out companionship and your interests and confidence fall by the wayside, people aren’t going to be all that excited about getting to know you. First and foremost comes developing your own identity and the type of friend you want to be.

What ways have you discovered to meet friends later in life?

{on bloglovin, via pinterest}

I’m beyond honored to get to share this guest post by Mara Glatzel, as she is the queen of self-love in my eyes. Without further ado…

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We’ve all seen the movies or TV shows – there she sits, all alone, without a date for Valentine’s Day, wallowing in a nest of chocolates and chick flicks, while her mascara runs all over her face as she cries.

Because she’s sad, right? Of course.

Because it’s Valentine’s Day and it is crucial to have a super romantic lovefest on Valentine’s Day.

Now, I love Valentine’s Day. I love an opportunity to skip around and hand out love letters. I love the permission to wear both pink and red, at the same time. However, the dark underbelly of such a holiday is the correlation between romantic love and happiness, as if you are only whole if you’ve got someone to love you. This is not going to be that kind of Valentine’s Day post.

This is the kind of post where we talk about you crazy awesome you are and all of the wonderful things that you can do today to celebrate your awesomeness. This is a call to action kind of blog post, designed to make you feel like jumping up out of your chair and running to do something that makes YOU feel loved and cared for.

Activities to Improve Feelings of Self-Love

1. Random act of kindness: Make a valentine, cover it in glitter, and magazine clippings. Collage to your hearts content. Make ten valentines if you are so inclined, and spend the rest of the day handing them out to strangers, putting them under windshields, and giving them them to the person bagging your groceries.

2. Treat yourself to a deluxe spa day, or whip up a DIY face mask out of stuff in your cabinets. Take a bath, luxuriate in the shower for an extra ten minutes, give yourself a mani/pedi, or buy yourself the brand new moisturizer that you’ve been pining after that smells like roses. The crucial aspect of this activity is carving out time in your day to treat yourself to something special, and to focus on not feeling remotely guilty about putting your phone on silent and spending time on YOU.

3. Move your body. I know that it’s February, and that for many of us that means it’s too cold to run around outside all afternoon. However, making an effort to get your blood pumping and endorphins circulating can make you feel all sparkly and new, despite the cold weather. Take it as an opportunity to go to that new yoga class, or try out something new, like Nia, which can be a great way to sweat a little and get comfortable in your skin.

4. Tell someone that you love them, without expecting anything in return. Give a present, without wanting to get one back. Do something kind for someone else, just for the sake of how it feels in YOUR heart to do it. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Call up your best friend and leave them a this is why you’re amazing and thank you so much for everything voicemail.  Write your favorite blogger/writer/artist a fan email. Thank your teacher profusely for how much they’ve taught you. Do it because of how it makes you feel.

The important element in all of these activities is the the emphasis on self-care and putting yourself first. Now, you might say, it makes me feel awesome to sit on my couch and eat chocolate while watching Bridget Jones Diary, which, well, is hard to argue with. However, I challenge you to think about how you feel during the activities that you do today – do you feel energized? excited? enthusiastic? Do you feel like you can accomplish anything that you put your mind to? Does it make you feel like you are worth loving? Does it make you feel happy to be in the skin that you’re in?

Because that’s the feeling that we’re shooting for today, and you are oh so worth it.

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Mara Glatzel is the highly caffeinated maven behind the body image + authentic living blog, Medicinal Marzipan. If you enjoyed this post, catch up with her (almost) daily body-loving antics and general rabble-rousing on facebook, twitter, or shoot her an email at medicinalmarzipan {at} gmail {dot} com.